Late breaking news...

Tremendous results... Came in looking like a zombie. 1 hour later... Doing very good!!! Everyone very pleased with the outcome so far... More later...

Please Pray

Would appreciate your prayers as we see what this thing does when we turn it on!

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 

Because of the LORD’s great love [I am] not consumed, 
for his compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” 

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; 

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.  Jeremiah 3:19-26

Scene from the Matrix

OK, you remember the scene from the original Matrix movie, where Neo realizes that it WAS NOT A DREAM and there really WAS a foreign mechanical bug swimming through his body? Remember how you imagined just how that felt? Yes, Neo, I know now...

It's just not natural to cut holes in your body, then put metal and wires inside, then sew the holes shut. Just not natural. Also, what are you supposed to do when it tickles, itches, and feels bruised all at the same time. I sleep only when exhaustion level exceeds pain level. Funny, none of the promo video's about DBS mentioned this stage of recovery?!?!

Hold still, Neo!

Yes, I'm Back!

Hello all... I'm out of the hospital and doing good. The doctor warns me about doing too much... For example, just a sneeze or a cough and I can feel my brain squeezing into the two dime-sized holes in my head! So, unless I want my brains all over he floor (and then change the name of my blog to, "Merv's Littler Brain", or worst yet, "Merv's brain is gone")... I'll have to follow his advice...

But what about the landscaping projects, the barn projects, and the overall cleaning and organizing projects... Nope..  Just relax MERV, after all, you've had brain surgery!
Over the next months i hope to catch up with all of you and personally thank you for your support and prayers during this difficult path. We are rich when we have friends like you!

DBS Surgery Dates (updated)

SWEDISH MEDICAL CENTER, Seattle, WA

April 20th:
Implantation of Brain Electrodes

April 26th:
Implantation of DBS Batteries

May 5th:

Date to Get it Fired Up

Please watch this two part video from 2007 (back when they first experimented with DBS for more than PD tremors.) It is still the best overall presentation I've seen to date... it captures both my present struggle with Parkinson's Disease as well as the hopeful improvements in quality of life which DBS affords...

I Can't Make It On My Own...

Going through Hell? Someone's always watching...

I pride myself on being pretty tough.  

In my early 20's, I had all 4 impacted wisdom teeth extracted one afternoon, and then played a evening of full-court basketball... all, without pain meds... (yes, my mouth continued to fill with blood as I played.)  There are many times I simply worked through a cold or a flu ...even with high fever present...

But now, on day three of my "cold turkey" ending of a drug called Amantadine, I'm at my end... the overall pain, stiffness, and uncontrollable movements are the worst I've ever experienced... but, worst of all, this drug has messed with my mind so bad that I feel worthless... 

No way God can use me in this state... right?  Well, I'm learning that God is often speaking the loudest to others during my roughest times of pain and despair...

My sister Dawna sent this to me today...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ken Cardell - Kansas
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 3:11 PM
Subject: short story I promised
To: Dawna Austin - Canada

Hey Dawna,

O.K. I promised you a story that kinda falls in the “small world” category.  I guess that goes along with the “small brain” blog that Merv so amazingly maintains.

You know I heard about you from my good buddy Brent Bishop whom forwards my posts around to his prayer partners.  He told me how amazing you are and some of your struggles.  From that, I emailed you once and you wrote me back.  From that, I learned about Merv and his blog and signed up to get his updates.  I have even watched his 2 minute video about how he updates his blog.  Amazing!  I am touched by both of you and feel honored to be a fellow sufferer in the Lord with both of you.  But, that’s not why I am writing.

On March 23^rd, Merv posted about being in Seattle for tests and how important it is to have a companion (wife) that has stuck by his side “in sickness and in health til death do us part”.  He was just grateful that Dorrie meant it when she vowed that.  I too, have often watched Connie as she sleeps and pray she may always find such peace.  As you know, I meant my vows too and I agree with Merv when he said, “you'll never know how precious a strong marriage is until you need it the most... “

Well, on March 23^rd , the day Merv posted - Connie and I were at the clinic.  We have a pretty drive each day and go thru a nice quaint neighborhood.  One stretch of our drive goes past a golf course and has these cool “cottage type” houses on the other side.  I told Connie, “Hey, guess who just bought one of these houses along here?”  She said, “Who?” And I told her. 

Just then, we saw this same friend out in the yard working on his renovation.  We pulled over and honked and he ran to the car.  He loves Connie and he held her hand as he said a prayer for her and told her she would beat this again.  He said she was a “warrior woman!”  This friend and I have been friends for over 25 years.  We even served on an Elder board together for 5 years back in the 80’s and we’ve watched our kids grow up and find spouses.  We have many many amazing “God Stories” that we have shared.

Back to Merv.  I read Merv’s blog and was admiring his commitment with Dorrie about marriage.  Then he said he sang a song with Dorrie at his wedding and he wrote down the words…Let us climb this hill together???  My jaw almost dropped to the floor...

Well, the artist is my buddy… PAUL CLARK!! 

Paul travels all over the world singing and doing concerts so, to see him in his yard on March 23rd is amazing in the first place.  Then, to see him on the very same day Merv posted is another amazing thing.  Who would have connected these Canadian/Kansas dots??? 

Anyway, just wanted to tell you.  I see it as a sign that God is knitting his Kingdom together even now and we shall all be great friends when we meet Him in the air.  All of us!  God Bless you Dawna and please tell Merv his blog is touching people way beyond what he would ever think or ask for. 

Ken

P.S.  I’ll tell Paul about this too when I see him next… I’m sure he will be touched.  Love ya.

Ken, thank you... your "Short Story" is what I needed tonight...

So friends, If you are presently going though hell, it's not by "chance" that you are where you are... your every circumstance is being allowed by a sovereign God who loves you.  And, others are watching just how tough you are... and often what they will remember (and ultimately follow) is who you turn to for strength when you run out of your own.

In these unbearable days, I cry out to Jesus... He's all I have left... and, if your at the end of your strength, He's all you have left also...

Jesus’ Prayer of Thanksgiving

At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!

“My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:25-30

Have You Given Up?

Married in 1978 "for better or for worse..."

God provides everything we need at the right time and at the right place through the best means... Dorrie and I were carried by your many prayers yesterday... The last time I went off meds for 12 hours... well, it was pure physical torture... However, this time I did much better...

And... here we are in Seattle at Swedish Hospital for a full day of testing...

It's funny what I so easily take for granted... a comfortable bed every night, enough "on demand" food and snacks to satisfy even the slightest stomach growl or craving, a "24 hour on-call helper" by my side...

Time: 4am... can't sleep...

Well... I'm sitting here feeling very grateful for the uncomfortable and small single bed under me... while I stare at my best friend... who, unlike me, is sleeping atop her uncomfortable and small single bed (in what is sold as a hotel suite attached to Swedish Hospital)... this wonderful wife has stayed true to her word... to be by my side "through sickness and in health till death do us part."

Believe me, men (and women), you'll never know how precious a strong marriage is until you need it the most...



Have you made a similar vow to someone?  Are you keeping it?  A faithful, God-centered marriage is worth every effort...

Dorrie and I sang this song together on our wedding...

Let Us Climb The Hill Together... By Paul Clark

I have waited such a long, long time
for this day to come....
And all I have have to give is the love
from God’s only Son,
He gave to me to give unto you.

I pray that God will be with us night and day,
guide us all the way.
In our life there will be no strife
with Jesus Christ and his kingdom which has come,
and made it possible for you and I to be one.

I will make you queen of my home,
under the glory of the King.
We’ll raise our family
in a castle full of love,
and trust the Lord in everything.

Let us sing to the King
Hallelujah.

In times of trail when things are hard to see,
will you stand by me?
With love, it can heal the pain, so let it rain
on the roof of my soul. There is no hole
that love can’t fill.

So let us climb, let us climb,
let us climb the hill together.
Let us climb the hill together.
Let us climb the hill together.

Continuing on the Journey...

Can 80,000 successful DBS surgeries be wrong?

It's now 4am as I write this... that's 7 hours into my 12 hour "no PD meds" prep for the On/Off Parkinson's Disease test at OHSU in a few hours (10am).  Yes, I'm really stiff and move quite slowly, but am surprisingly peaceful and calm, back pain manageable, slept enough (so far)... compared to the last time I went off PD meds for 12+ hours, I'm doing great!  I attribute this to your many prayers... THANKS!

Many of you have walked through difficult medical procedures, and many more serious than my upcoming Deep Brain Stimulation implant.  (If your reading this right now I'll assume you're alive and therefore, survived dark valley of surgery!)  As I write this, I'm also aware of many other challenges that face some of you... lifelong chronic pain; poor health; relationship struggles; divorce; financial pressures... and yet you pray for me!  I want to encourage you to hope in God's provision and protection in your circumstances today... May God be your portion today as myself and many others pray for you!

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7

Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22 (AMP)

He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6 (AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (AMP)

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Why does God bring me pain?

Searching for the illusive
iPad app to cure PD!

Hi there.  Remember me?

Sorry for not posting for a while... I just could not seem to rally the brain power needed... (oh, I really tried about 3 weeks ago... and produced nothing worth sharing...)

Here's an update...
OHSU will not drill my head and put in the DBS and battery, so we are headed north three times over the next two months... because Seattle's Swedish Medical Center hopefully will.

However, the stressful delay with OHSU has been tough... Last Friday, I had an MRI done to determine the cause of my stabbing back pain... well, I'm the proud new owner of an advanced case of Cervical Stenosis.  In a professional "glad I don't have what you have" way, the doctor let me know that there is more and more pain to look forward to.

I've taken a turn for the worse in almost every area... more immobilizing pain, reduced ability to talk or be understood... seldom sleep more than 2 hours in a row... meds now have smaller windows of effectiveness (called "on" periods.)  When "on", I can have the worst involuntary movements... which makes it almost impossible to do anything needing fine motor skills (like typing)... battling a sense of worthlessness, yet hoping with all my might in God... here is a two minute video showing why this post has taken about 12 hours to produce...

Despite what I've LOST, I continue to GAIN so much more!

LOSS: I've lost 45 lbs (a "six-pack" on

my body means 6 ribs are bulging!)

GAIN: I've noticed a stronger desire to have

God's approval, and less of man's... 

LOSS: I've lost much of my ability to organize

causes, to lead and direct  people.

GAIN: I now have more time
to both lead and serve my

wonderful wife and children.

LOSS: I no longer can depend on my

"excellent" communication skills...

for at a moments notice my
thinking can become foggy and
 my speech choppy or slurred.

GAIN: I've had more time to pray
for many of you... and to look to God
for both insight and strength... then, to listen,
ponder, and then listen again... hopefully to gain 

wisdom and understanding into what's truly important.
 

Why does God bring me pain?

"So Merv," you ask... "all that loss/gain stuff is good positive thinking, but, really... why does God bring you suffering and pain?" 

Neither you or I may ever completely understand why suffering exists... I know suffering overall has been good for me in so many ways (as mentioned in previous posts.)  It's a long study... but here a glimpse into what helps me see a little clearer...

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Cor 4:7-10 
 

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18

What about You...
Ultimately, I hope that what you see through my suffering is the light that Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

If my continuing life story points you to consider where your personal standing is with Jesus... then my suffering has a very important purpose for you, does it not?  Especially, if the bible is true, and Jesus is who he says he (which I both fully believe)... then, it's not really about me, is it? 

"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." 2 Cor 4:15

"For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened... but... He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.  So we are always of good courage... we walk by faith, not by sight"
2 Cor 5:6,7

"And without faith it is not possible to be well-pleasing to him, for it is necessary for anyone who comes to God to have the belief that God is, and that he is a rewarder of all those who make a serious search for him." Heb 11:6

How long has it been since you cracked open a bible... is there a heaven, is there a hell, who is Jesus, what is true faith and why does it matter?  I'd gladly suffer the rest of my life if it causes you to find out... START HERE.

Happy Valentines Babe

Where the rubber meets the road...

Accidents Make the Heart Grow Fonder!

The bad news...
"Dad, I've been in an accident... " (in the car that only had liability and not collision)

The good news...
Only the car was hurt... and father/son relationship grows...

Again, GOOD wins... BAD looses...

Heb 10:32,35-39 (NIV) ... in the face of suffering... do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

PHYSICAL UPDATE:
Please pray that OHSU decision makers again reconsider to allow my DBS surgery... they have denied twice now.  Here is an excerpt from the letter I sent today at 5pm:

"My persistence in asking Dr. Burchiel to again reconsider may be annoying, or even appear silly... but for my wife and young children still under my care... it is essential that I try to stick around a little longer on this earth.  They are rapidly loosing a devoted husband and father.  Please, Dr. Burchiel, please reconsider."

"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength." ~ Charles Spurgeon

"Joy is that deep settled confidence that God is in control of every area of my life." Paul Sailhamer.

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." ~ George Mueller

OHSU to reconsider DBS surgery!

Quick update... OHSU is reconsidering its position this coming Tuesday... Please pray... more to post concerning why coming in a bit...

PHYSICAL UPDATE: Watched horror flick "The Return of Stabbing Back Pain" last night and thus didn't get much sleep... still hurts... Pain Specialist appointment on 2/15/2011.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”  Charles Schulz (cartoonist)

 

Man, It's been an exciting day!

Been praying for me again, eh?  Thank you!!!  I am so grateful... Now, let me encourage you as we head to bed... watch this great clip and be encouraged! (Thanks for the link Michele Frost!) 

 

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." ~ C. S. Lewis

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. ~ C. S. Lewis

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Not my favorite things...

Zucchini, Eggplant, Red Tape... Just part of growing up I guess.  Just received a call from Shannon at OHSU... very nice lady (thanks for your encouragement Shannon!) 

Unfortunately, my Feb. 8th appointment has been canceled.  Shannon, however, remains hopeful that someone from OHSU finance department will call me in the next few days to explore possible solutions to why Merv Best cannot get a battery charger for his brain. So I'll just wait for the call... 

Thanks for your encouragement and prayers as we try to untangle with grace... besides, I've been preordained to not let RED bother me (born Color Blind to RED)  More to come...

Philipians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

DBS SURGERY CANCELED?

PLEASE PRAY... 

Last Friday, and again today, we spoke with Todd Ellingston, (Administrative Assistant) with OHSU's Department of Neurological Surgery.  According to Todd, "his superior" is not willing to trust Christian Care Medi-Share's 17 year payment history, since it is not a traditional  "insurance" program.


Traditional health insurance comes with a contractual guarantee to pay your medical bills. CCM is a medical sharing program for Christians. For over 17 years, CCM has paid over $500 million in member-shared medical bills on a non-guaranteed basis.  CCM members trust the Lord to provide in their time of need through the voluntary gifts of other like-minded Christians. (More info) 

A CCM representative has called Todd explaining the way sharing works, but apparently to no avail.  Even though OHSU has accepted my Christian Care Medi-Share "insurance" since 2005, for a combined total of over $6,000, he reports that traditional "insurance" is mandatory for all DBS patients!  And, one more detail... Todd says they wouldn't take cash up front either! (if you are now very confused, join the club...)

After talking with Shannon Donovan (OHSU's DBS Program Coordinator) this afternoon, we plan on showing up on our Feb 8th appointment,  and trust we will be allowed to see the Doctor...

But, thankfully God is not confused, RIGHT!  Thank you for joining me in prayer as we seek God's direction and timing!!

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.  He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.  And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think,  yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”  Luke 18 ~ The Parable of the Persistent Widow

Some Very Exciting News...

Deep Brain Stimulation Stalls Parkinson’s Progression --Doctors Lounge

Motor symptoms do not
show expected worsening
after five years when
treatment briefly stopped

In patients with Parkinson's disease who are effectively treated with deep brain stimulation, the natural progression of the disease's motor symptoms appears to stabilize over time, according to a study published in the November issue of the International Journal of Neuroscience.

FRIDAY, Jan. 28 (HealthDay News) -- In patients with Parkinson's disease (PD) who are effectively treated with deep brain stimulation (DBS), the natural progression of the disease's motor symptoms appears to stabilize over time, according to a study published in the November issue of the International Journal of Neuroscience.

Michele Tagliati, M.D., of the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City, and colleagues investigated the long-term progression of PD motor symptoms in 50 patients treated with subthalamic nucleus deep brain stimulation (STN-DBS). Patients were evaluated preoperatively and at yearly intervals using the Unified Parkinson's Disease Rating Scale: 21 patients at year one, 17 at year two, 14 at year three, 16 at year four, and nine at year five. Four clinical states were assessed: off medication and DBS off, off medication and DBS on, on medication and DBS off, on medication and DBS on.

The researchers found that motor scores measured without medication and with DBS off were virtually unchanged compared to the preoperative scores of patients up to five years after surgery. This result was seen in patients with both shorter (<11 years) and longer duration of PD prior to surgery. There was also no consistent deterioration from untreated baseline in any of the motor subscores, which included tremor, rigidity, bradykinesia, and axial symptoms.

"Untreated PD motor scores did not worsen over time in patients undergoing STN-DBS, suggesting that there is no progression of motor severity. These results could be explained either by a natural stabilization of PD motor symptoms after many years or neuroprotective properties of STN-DBS," the authors write.

I'm Left Speechless... epilogue

My precious Karli

Tonight, I read my previous post to Karli... until just before the Scripture... I said, "Poor Merv, right? Can't you see me sitting there trapped in my body?"

"Yes, I can Daddy..."

Then I read the scripture... "Poor Merv? No Way!  Not according to what we just read!" I then said, "Let's count all the blessings WE together have seen come to be BECAUSE of Parkinson's."

And we did...

We thanked God together for Parkinson's, for alas, without PD, I would not likely have as consistently and as purposely put my little girls to bed every night (distracted by business, friends, etc.)...

Ah, the rewarding joy I receive when listening to the bible (the Word of Promise Audio Bible) every night... the tender "daddy" time... I sit in my chair at the end of her bed... and I rub her (and her sister's) feet... as we feast together in both the revelations and the mysteries of God's word.

Karli and I both have trouble falling asleep at night... which provides plenty of no-rush time with dad... lot's of time to get out what WE BOTH want/need to say... and, she soaks it up like a sponge!

I tell her that her inward beauty shines as she reaches for God's purpose; God's holiness... giving examples that I've been able to see in her throughout the day... and that her zest for life and smile makes her the prettiest 11 year old in the whole world... and, just like her dad, she has the joyful gift of focusing on the sunny warmth that lies just beyond the gray clouds above... seeing the sun beyond the clouds is a gift from God that she needs to share every day with those who see and feel only rain... She BEAMS...

"Now Karli, just like you and I are talking... talk to God... tell him your worries and fears... and tell him what you enjoyed... just talk to Him... He's smiling with us right now, and I'm getting tired, but He's still awake..." She smiles a contented smile, and closes her eyes...

"Good night Pumpkin, I love you..." "Good night, daddy, I love you too..."

I AM A RICH, BLESSED MAN INDEED!

Duet. 6:5-7 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

I'm Left Speechless...

Remembering earlier weddings

Another wedding!

These past few months, it seems that during every wedding I've attended, I've been able to rally my brain cells for at least a 2-3 hour push... and then afterward, I sometimes crashing big time, but it's well worth the effort!

I'm doing fine on the way there... A little tweaky (involuntary motions) but doing great... half way through the ceremony now... oh, oh, it's time for meds (every 3 hours round the clock, remember?)... I try to tell Clara that I am going to slip into the rest room here at the church, and that I'll be back shortly... but that's not what came out... 10 minutes before end of the ceremony... WHAM! "Parks" takes over...

Oh no, I CAN'T speak...

Now, I may look normal from the outside (cuz I'm not tremoring) but I feel very NOT normal on the inside... I'm overheating, it's too loud so I can't think straight, I can barely put three intelligent words together, I'm all of a sudden needing to sit down... oh, I want so bad to just talk to the many friends

So here I am, sitting in the car...
So many around to talk with... So many familiar faces... But, I forgot to reserve my body and brain before "Parks" did... I was so looking forward to catching up with everyone...

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"No sin is worse than the sin of self pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges - - always absorbing, never giving and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives."  Oswald Chambers  

You Prayed? I slept great! (and no Pain meds!)

Just a quick update (cause I'm still so tired) You Prayed for me and I slept great!  (and without pain meds or muscle relaxers)  Mort to post later...

My pain...

my back pain is almost unbearable... similar type of pain when the Dentist drill hits a nerve without Novocaine... appreciate your prayers...