I Can't Make It On My Own...

Going through Hell? Someone's always watching...

I pride myself on being pretty tough.  

In my early 20's, I had all 4 impacted wisdom teeth extracted one afternoon, and then played a evening of full-court basketball... all, without pain meds... (yes, my mouth continued to fill with blood as I played.)  There are many times I simply worked through a cold or a flu ...even with high fever present...

But now, on day three of my "cold turkey" ending of a drug called Amantadine, I'm at my end... the overall pain, stiffness, and uncontrollable movements are the worst I've ever experienced... but, worst of all, this drug has messed with my mind so bad that I feel worthless... 

No way God can use me in this state... right?  Well, I'm learning that God is often speaking the loudest to others during my roughest times of pain and despair...

My sister Dawna sent this to me today...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ken Cardell - Kansas
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 3:11 PM
Subject: short story I promised
To: Dawna Austin - Canada

Hey Dawna,

O.K. I promised you a story that kinda falls in the “small world” category.  I guess that goes along with the “small brain” blog that Merv so amazingly maintains.

You know I heard about you from my good buddy Brent Bishop whom forwards my posts around to his prayer partners.  He told me how amazing you are and some of your struggles.  From that, I emailed you once and you wrote me back.  From that, I learned about Merv and his blog and signed up to get his updates.  I have even watched his 2 minute video about how he updates his blog.  Amazing!  I am touched by both of you and feel honored to be a fellow sufferer in the Lord with both of you.  But, that’s not why I am writing.

On March 23^rd, Merv posted about being in Seattle for tests and how important it is to have a companion (wife) that has stuck by his side “in sickness and in health til death do us part”.  He was just grateful that Dorrie meant it when she vowed that.  I too, have often watched Connie as she sleeps and pray she may always find such peace.  As you know, I meant my vows too and I agree with Merv when he said, “you'll never know how precious a strong marriage is until you need it the most... “

Well, on March 23^rd , the day Merv posted - Connie and I were at the clinic.  We have a pretty drive each day and go thru a nice quaint neighborhood.  One stretch of our drive goes past a golf course and has these cool “cottage type” houses on the other side.  I told Connie, “Hey, guess who just bought one of these houses along here?”  She said, “Who?” And I told her. 

Just then, we saw this same friend out in the yard working on his renovation.  We pulled over and honked and he ran to the car.  He loves Connie and he held her hand as he said a prayer for her and told her she would beat this again.  He said she was a “warrior woman!”  This friend and I have been friends for over 25 years.  We even served on an Elder board together for 5 years back in the 80’s and we’ve watched our kids grow up and find spouses.  We have many many amazing “God Stories” that we have shared.

Back to Merv.  I read Merv’s blog and was admiring his commitment with Dorrie about marriage.  Then he said he sang a song with Dorrie at his wedding and he wrote down the words…Let us climb this hill together???  My jaw almost dropped to the floor...

Well, the artist is my buddy… PAUL CLARK!! 

Paul travels all over the world singing and doing concerts so, to see him in his yard on March 23rd is amazing in the first place.  Then, to see him on the very same day Merv posted is another amazing thing.  Who would have connected these Canadian/Kansas dots??? 

Anyway, just wanted to tell you.  I see it as a sign that God is knitting his Kingdom together even now and we shall all be great friends when we meet Him in the air.  All of us!  God Bless you Dawna and please tell Merv his blog is touching people way beyond what he would ever think or ask for. 

Ken

P.S.  I’ll tell Paul about this too when I see him next… I’m sure he will be touched.  Love ya.

Ken, thank you... your "Short Story" is what I needed tonight...

So friends, If you are presently going though hell, it's not by "chance" that you are where you are... your every circumstance is being allowed by a sovereign God who loves you.  And, others are watching just how tough you are... and often what they will remember (and ultimately follow) is who you turn to for strength when you run out of your own.

In these unbearable days, I cry out to Jesus... He's all I have left... and, if your at the end of your strength, He's all you have left also...

Jesus’ Prayer of Thanksgiving

At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!

“My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:25-30