Saturday, February 18, 2012


Woke up this morning with hope... and that's been rare for me lately.  

"Please get my focus off of me, help me find that daily joy..."
Over the past few months, despair and trust have been fighting for me... despair, that it's all a struggle from here "till the end", and trust... that inner sense that has carried me this far... that this very path I'm on is directed from a God who loves me and is not simply allowing it, but directing it for my good!

Disappointment in the lack of positive results with my DBS brain operation, my back spasms and subsequent pain meds withdrawal, have worn me down physically and even more emotionally, and have resulted in the stripping of my hope...

When you can't walk without struggle, can't speak clearly, and get all emotional at the first indication of stress... well, this cocktail mixes together quite effectively to erode one's social life and confidence!

Back to this morning...

I simply slipped to my knees beside my bed, and quietly raised my head and said to God, "With whatever strength you give me, help me to use it only for you!  Please get my focus off of me.  Help me find that daily joy that come from hearing you.  Amen."

I have so much to be hopeful for...

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." 
(Romans 5:5 ~ New Living Bible)

"The joy of the Lord is your strength." (Neh 8:10). Where do saints get their joy? If we did not know some Christians well, we might think from just observing them that they have no burdens at all to bear. But we must lift the veil from our eyes. The fact that the peace, light and joy of God is in the proof that a burden is there as well. The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces wine, but most of us only see the wine and not the burden. No power on earth or in hell can conquer the spirit of God living within the living spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. If your life is only producing a whine and not a wine, then ruthlessly kick it out. It is definitely a crime for a Christian to be weak in God's strength."
~ Oswald Chambers

Edith Lillian Young

"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Change one letter, then I see
That the thwarting of my purpose
Is God's better choice for me.
His appointment must be blessing,
Tho' it may come in disguise,
For the end from the beginning
  Open to His wisdom lies.
"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Whose?  The Lord, who loves me best,
Understands and knows me fully,
Who my faith and love would test;
For, like loving earthly parent,
He rejoices when He knows
That His child accepts, UNQUESTIONED,
All that from His wisdom flows.
"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
"No good thing will He withhold,"
From denials oft we gather
Treasures of His love untold,
Well He knows each broken purpose
Leads to fuller, deeper trust,
And the end of all His dealings
Proves our God is wise and just.
"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Lord, I take it, then, as such.
Like the clay in hands of potter,
Yielding wholly to Thy touch.
All my life's plan in Thy moulding,
Not one single choice be mine;
Let me answer, unrepining --
"Father, not my will, but Thine."


  1. Once again I am speechless. How did we get here? Weren't we just sitting at the kitchen table in Surrey and you dumping honey in my hair? All the weakness in me longs to go back to those days.

    I continue to pray for you my dear brother. Thank you for your encouraging words in your posts as well as sharing of your struggles.

    1. Honey in your hair? Really? (Kirk, you are duly authorized in my absence to pour honey in your wife's hair...) Feel better Sis? ;-)