Merv's Little Brain

Satisfied with Nibbling?

2012-02-29T08:27:00.013-08:00

2011 Christmas Day feast with all the trimmings!

“If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world. Your soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for the great.” ~ John Piper Hunger for God

Of all the questions I ask myself... "WHY doesn't God show up and heal me?" is probably the biggest... especially, when my cherished roles as husband, father, provider, counselor, friend... are all compromised by this elephant sitting on my chest... this burden of Parkinson's Disease. Its weight can be so oppressive in the middle of the night, when I'm awakened by my need for more medicine (or less electricity)... fumbling with this small controller that I can't see (which, BTW, was designed by a mad scientist)... aargghhh!

But then it hits me...

That still and quiet sense that God is allowing me enough external pain to be dissatisfied with the side dishes of success, health, family, relationships, etc... but to actually sit down and enjoy this feast's main course... knowing Him more! He has spread before me this small trial, which seems at times to be so huge... yet, it continues to re-focus my longing to know God more...

"Everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God's righteousness. I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering..." ~ Philippians 3:9-10 (The Message)

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long,“Where is your God?”

These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. ~ from Psalm 42 (NIV)

“Oh Father, I want us to be swallowed up in this Psalm. Not that it’s a happy place to be. But to learn how to be in an unhappy place... that is what we need. And this Psalmist does it... so well. He is miserable... so well. I want You to teach Your people how to be struck down... well. How to be in turmoil... well. How to be downcast... well. How to have waves break over them... well. And the Psalms, and this one in particular, is so well suited to help us." ~ John Piper (from his opening prayer on a message from Psalm 42)

Empty with Dan Haseltine Matt Hammitt (Music Inspired by The Story) from worshiphousemedia on GodTube.

HOPE?

2012-02-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning with hope... and that's been rare for me lately.

"Please get my focus off of me, help me find that daily joy..."

Over the past few months, despair and trust have been fighting for me... despair, that it's all a struggle from here "till the end", and trust... that inner sense that has carried me this far... that this very path I'm on is directed from a God who loves me and is not simply allowing it, but directing it for my good!

Disappointment in the lack of positive results with my DBS brain operation, my back spasms and subsequent pain meds withdrawal, have worn me down physically and even more emotionally, and have resulted in the stripping of my hope...

When you can't walk without struggle, can't speak clearly, and get all emotional at the first indication of stress... well, this cocktail mixes together quite effectively to erode one's social life and confidence!

Back to this morning...

I simply slipped to my knees beside my bed, and quietly raised my head and said to God, "With whatever strength you give me, help me to use it only for you! Please get my focus off of me. Help me find that daily joy that come from hearing you. Amen."

I have so much to be hopeful for...

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."
(Romans 5:5 ~ New Living Bible)

"The joy of the Lord is your strength." (Neh 8:10). Where do saints get their joy? If we did not know some Christians well, we might think from just observing them that they have no burdens at all to bear. But we must lift the veil from our eyes. The fact that the peace, light and joy of God is in the proof that a burden is there as well. The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces wine, but most of us only see the wine and not the burden. No power on earth or in hell can conquer the spirit of God living within the living spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. If your life is only producing a whine and not a wine, then ruthlessly kick it out. It is definitely a crime for a Christian to be weak in God's strength."
~ Oswald Chambers

DISAPPOINTMENT

Edith Lillian Young

"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Change one letter, then I see
That the thwarting of my purpose
Is God's better choice for me.
His appointment must be blessing,
Tho' it may come in disguise,
For the end from the beginning
Open to His wisdom lies.

"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Whose? The Lord, who loves me best,
Understands and knows me fully,
Who my faith and love would test;
For, like loving earthly parent,
He rejoices when He knows
That His child accepts, UNQUESTIONED,
All that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
"No good thing will He withhold,"
From denials oft we gather
Treasures of His love untold,
Well He knows each broken purpose
Leads to fuller, deeper trust,
And the end of all His dealings
Proves our God is wise and just.

"Disappointment -- His Appointment"
Lord, I take it, then, as such.
Like the clay in hands of potter,
Yielding wholly to Thy touch.
All my life's plan in Thy moulding,
Not one single choice be mine;
Let me answer, unrepining --
"Father, not my will, but Thine."

Fall Apart

2012-02-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Cor 1:8,9)

"There is no greater mercy that I know of on earth than good healthexcept it is sickness, and that has often been a greater mercy to me thanhealth." CH Spurgeon

Thanks Dawna for reminding me once again that I have all I Need ~ Merv

Walk to see Gramma

2011-12-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

Gramma's been with Jesus for over two years now.

Her grave is just a short walk from our home... in Sunnyside Cemetery.

Thank you God for the ability to walk... and make memories...

"The heavens declare the glory of God...

...the skies proclaim the works of his hands" PSALMS 19:1

Back home...

Bloodlines

2011-09-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Bloodlines Documentary with John Piper

Thank you John Piper... I'm a white guy... 54 years old... was at your pastor's conference on racial prejudice about 8 years ago now... during the Q&A on the last day, I stood and spoke about my fine family and great children... "We are raising my sons to fear the Lord; to be faithful men... they will make fine husbands for those of you who who have daughters..."

After a brief pause, I added, "oh, I forgot to add one small detail... my sons are black! I hope this small omission doesn't prejudice you towards them. And if it does... WHY?"

I could feel the temperature in the room rise... I sat down, and started to tear up... the only person who came to comfort me, WAS A YOUNG BLACK MAN!

"What you said was right on, man."

His story was a sad one. He was currently attending a predominantly white church and had been fairly accepted... until, that is, he started showing interest in a white girl in the congregation. "I can sing 'Jesus loves me', go witnessing with the youth group, pay my tithe, and live in harmony with my white brothers," he said, "as long as I stay away from their white daughters...."

On the bus ride to the airport that afternoon, I sat beside a pastor from the south... I simply asked how the conference has affected his view on racial integration in his church... Obviously embarrassed by the question, he quietly stated "we have our church, they have theirs, and it is best that way..."

God forgive us!

My wife and I have since adopted 2 more... african-american sisters! They continue to be two of the greatest joys of my life!

In total (so far), we are blessed to have 5 (adopted) black children, and 2 (biological) white children, making "us whites" the minority in our own family!

ADOPTION: a constant reminder of God's unconditional love for me... His "adopted" son!

Again, thanks John...

Hey look, I'm famous...

2011-07-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

click here to view Swedish website

Swedish Hospital website posts link to my Blog video!

2004 AM NW Interview

2011-07-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

Remembering much earlier days...

Late Night Mystery

2011-06-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

Dorrie and I still have hope that we are on the right track, however it can get discouraging along the way...

My doctors are a little stumped (along with us)... however, let's all remember where to place our trust: IN GOD ALONE!

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart...

Job 10:8 "Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me?

Psalm 56:8 Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record?

Psalm 119:73 Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

Psalm 139: 13-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

PROGRESS: 3 steps forward, 2 steps back

2011-06-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

Another exhausting but good trip to Seattle...
the last programming session was a duzie!

Dear anonymous....

2011-05-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

Wanting to be "me" again

I'm sorry for not posting.... I'm just not well.

Yes, I can put on a show and have a good hour, or even an afternoon in public, but then I go home and feel like crying... I know proper sleep, routine, exercise, healthy eating, and
low stress, all are possible factors. Yes, I do know that I've just had brain surgery... however, I'd like to "feel" like "me" more often...

I feel like a soldier with "shell shock"... any stress, and I feel immobilized.

Please pray for Dorrie and I as God leads you ...

Psalm 19:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 40:5 Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

My DBS Surgery

2011-05-13T15:33:00.000-07:00

Late breaking news...

2011-05-05T11:25:00.001-07:00

Tremendous results... Came in looking like a zombie. 1 hour later... Doing very good!!! Everyone very pleased with the outcome so far... More later...

Please Pray

2011-05-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

Would appreciate your prayers as we see what this thing does when we turn it on!

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love [I am] not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Jeremiah 3:19-26

Scene from the Matrix

2011-04-27T20:06:00.001-07:00

OK, you remember the scene from the original Matrix movie, where Neo realizes that it WAS NOT A DREAM and there really WAS a foreign mechanical bug swimming through his body? Remember how you imagined just how that felt? Yes, Neo, I know now...

It's just not natural to cut holes in your body, then put metal and wires inside, then sew the holes shut. Just not natural. Also, what are you supposed to do when it tickles, itches, and feels bruised all at the same time. I sleep only when exhaustion level exceeds pain level. Funny, none of the promo video's about DBS mentioned this stage of recovery?!?!

Hold still, Neo!

Waking up on Morphine

2011-04-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Though I'd send you something that will make you laugh!

Yes, I'm Back!

2011-04-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hello all... I'm out of the hospital and doing good. The doctor warns me about doing too much... For example, just a sneeze or a cough and I can feel my brain squeezing into the two dime-sized holes in my head! So, unless I want my brains all over he floor (and then change the name of my blog to, "Merv's Littler Brain", or worst yet, "Merv's brain is gone")... I'll have to follow his advice...

But what about the landscaping projects, the barn projects, and the overall cleaning and organizing projects... Nope.. Just relax MERV, after all, you've had brain surgery!
Over the next months i hope to catch up with all of you and personally thank you for your support and prayers during this difficult path. We are rich when we have friends like you!

DBS Surgery Dates (updated)

2011-04-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

SWEDISH MEDICAL CENTER, Seattle, WA

April 20th:
Implantation of Brain Electrodes

April 26th:
Implantation of DBS Batteries

May 5th:

Date to Get it Fired Up

Please watch this two part video from 2007 (back when they first experimented with DBS for more than PD tremors.) It is still the best overall presentation I've seen to date... it captures both my present struggle with Parkinson's Disease as well as the hopeful improvements in quality of life which DBS affords...

I Can't Make It On My Own...

2011-03-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

Going through Hell? Someone's always watching...

I pride myself on being pretty tough.

In my early 20's, I had all 4 impacted wisdom teeth extracted one afternoon, and then played a evening of full-court basketball... all, without pain meds... (yes, my mouth continued to fill with blood as I played.) There are many times I simply worked through a cold or a flu ...even with high fever present...

But now, on day three of my "cold turkey" ending of a drug called Amantadine, I'm at my end... the overall pain, stiffness, and uncontrollable movements are the worst I've ever experienced... but, worst of all, this drug has messed with my mind so bad that I feel worthless...

No way God can use me in this state... right? Well, I'm learning that God is often speaking the loudest to others during my roughest times of pain and despair...

My sister Dawna sent this to me today...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ken Cardell - Kansas
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 3:11 PM
Subject: short story I promised
To: Dawna Austin - Canada

Hey Dawna,

O.K. I promised you a story that kinda falls in the “small world” category. I guess that goes along with the “small brain” blog that Merv so amazingly maintains.

You know I heard about you from my good buddy Brent Bishop whom forwards my posts around to his prayer partners. He told me how amazing you are and some of your struggles. From that, I emailed you once and you wrote me back. From that, I learned about Merv and his blog and signed up to get his updates. I have even watched his 2 minute video about how he updates his blog. Amazing! I am touched by both of you and feel honored to be a fellow sufferer in the Lord with both of you. But, that’s not why I am writing.

On March 23^rd, Merv posted about being in Seattle for tests and how important it is to have a companion (wife) that has stuck by his side “in sickness and in health til death do us part”. He was just grateful that Dorrie meant it when she vowed that. I too, have often watched Connie as she sleeps and pray she may always find such peace. As you know, I meant my vows too and I agree with Merv when he said, “you'll never know how precious a strong marriage is until you need it the most... “

Well, on March 23^rd , the day Merv posted - Connie and I were at the clinic. We have a pretty drive each day and go thru a nice quaint neighborhood. One stretch of our drive goes past a golf course and has these cool “cottage type” houses on the other side. I told Connie, “Hey, guess who just bought one of these houses along here?” She said, “Who?” And I told her.

Just then, we saw this same friend out in the yard working on his renovation. We pulled over and honked and he ran to the car. He loves Connie and he held her hand as he said a prayer for her and told her she would beat this again. He said she was a “warrior woman!” This friend and I have been friends for over 25 years. We even served on an Elder board together for 5 years back in the 80’s and we’ve watched our kids grow up and find spouses. We have many many amazing “God Stories” that we have shared.

Back to Merv. I read Merv’s blog and was admiring his commitment with Dorrie about marriage. Then he said he sang a song with Dorrie at his wedding and he wrote down the words…Let us climb this hill together??? My jaw almost dropped to the floor...

Well, the artist is my buddy… PAUL CLARK!!

Paul travels all over the world singing and doing concerts so, to see him in his yard on March 23rd is amazing in the first place. Then, to see him on the very same day Merv posted is another amazing thing. Who would have connected these Canadian/Kansas dots???

Anyway, just wanted to tell you. I see it as a sign that God is knitting his Kingdom together even now and we shall all be great friends when we meet Him in the air. All of us! God Bless you Dawna and please tell Merv his blog is touching people way beyond what he would ever think or ask for.

Ken

P.S. I’ll tell Paul about this too when I see him next… I’m sure he will be touched. Love ya.

Ken, thank you... your "Short Story" is what I needed tonight...

So friends, If you are presently going though hell, it's not by "chance" that you are where you are... your every circumstance is being allowed by a sovereign God who loves you. And, others are watching just how tough you are... and often what they will remember (and ultimately follow) is who you turn to for strength when you run out of your own.

In these unbearable days, I cry out to Jesus... He's all I have left... and, if your at the end of your strength, He's all you have left also...

Jesus’ Prayer of Thanksgiving

At that time Jesus prayed this prayer: “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!

“My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:25-30

Have You Given Up?

2011-03-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

Married in 1978 "for better or for worse..."

God provides everything we need at the right time and at the right place through the best means... Dorrie and I were carried by your many prayers yesterday... The last time I went off meds for 12 hours... well, it was pure physical torture... However, this time I did much better...

And... here we are in Seattle at Swedish Hospital for a full day of testing...

It's funny what I so easily take for granted... a comfortable bed every night, enough "on demand" food and snacks to satisfy even the slightest stomach growl or craving, a "24 hour on-call helper" by my side...

Time: 4am... can't sleep...

Well... I'm sitting here feeling very grateful for the uncomfortable and small single bed under me... while I stare at my best friend... who, unlike me, is sleeping atop her uncomfortable and small single bed (in what is sold as a hotel suite attached to Swedish Hospital)... this wonderful wife has stayed true to her word... to be by my side "through sickness and in health till death do us part."

Believe me, men (and women), you'll never know how precious a strong marriage is until you need it the most...

Have you made a similar vow to someone? Are you keeping it? A faithful, God-centered marriage is worth every effort...

Dorrie and I sang this song together on our wedding...

Let Us Climb The Hill Together... By Paul Clark

I have waited such a long, long time
for this day to come....
And all I have have to give is the love
from God’s only Son,
He gave to me to give unto you.

I pray that God will be with us night and day,
guide us all the way.
In our life there will be no strife
with Jesus Christ and his kingdom which has come,
and made it possible for you and I to be one.

I will make you queen of my home,
under the glory of the King.
We’ll raise our family
in a castle full of love,
and trust the Lord in everything.

Let us sing to the King
Hallelujah.

In times of trail when things are hard to see,
will you stand by me?
With love, it can heal the pain, so let it rain
on the roof of my soul. There is no hole
that love can’t fill.

So let us climb, let us climb,
let us climb the hill together.
Let us climb the hill together.
Let us climb the hill together.

Continuing on the Journey...

2011-03-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

Can 80,000 successful DBS surgeries be wrong?

It's now 4am as I write this... that's 7 hours into my 12 hour "no PD meds" prep for the On/Off Parkinson's Disease test at OHSU in a few hours (10am). Yes, I'm really stiff and move quite slowly, but am surprisingly peaceful and calm, back pain manageable, slept enough (so far)... compared to the last time I went off PD meds for 12+ hours, I'm doing great! I attribute this to your many prayers... THANKS!

Many of you have walked through difficult medical procedures, and many more serious than my upcoming Deep Brain Stimulation implant. (If your reading this right now I'll assume you're alive and therefore, survived dark valley of surgery!) As I write this, I'm also aware of many other challenges that face some of you... lifelong chronic pain; poor health; relationship struggles; divorce; financial pressures... and yet you pray for me! I want to encourage you to hope in God's provision and protection in your circumstances today... May God be your portion today as myself and many others pray for you!

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7

Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22 (AMP)
He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:6 (AMP)
Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)
The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (AMP)
“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

Why does God bring me pain?

2011-03-14T03:52:00.000-07:00

Searching for the illusive
iPad app to cure PD!

Hi there. Remember me?

Sorry for not posting for a while... I just could not seem to rally the brain power needed... (oh, I really tried about 3 weeks ago... and produced nothing worth sharing...)

Here's an update...
OHSU will not drill my head and put in the DBS and battery, so we are headed north three times over the next two months... because Seattle's Swedish Medical Center hopefully will.

However, the stressful delay with OHSU has been tough... Last Friday, I had an MRI done to determine the cause of my stabbing back pain... well, I'm the proud new owner of an advanced case of Cervical Stenosis. In a professional "glad I don't have what you have" way, the doctor let me know that there is more and more pain to look forward to.

I've taken a turn for the worse in almost every area... more immobilizing pain, reduced ability to talk or be understood... seldom sleep more than 2 hours in a row... meds now have smaller windows of effectiveness (called "on" periods.) When "on", I can have the worst involuntary movements... which makes it almost impossible to do anything needing fine motor skills (like typing)... battling a sense of worthlessness, yet hoping with all my might in God... here is a two minute video showing why this post has taken about 12 hours to produce...

Despite what I've LOST, I continue to GAIN so much more!

LOSS: I've lost 45 lbs (a "six-pack" on

my body means 6 ribs are bulging!)

GAIN: I've noticed a stronger desire to have

God's approval, and less of man's...

LOSS: I've lost much of my ability to organize

causes, to lead and direct people.

GAIN: I now have more time
to both lead and serve my

wonderful wife and children.

LOSS: I no longer can depend on my

"excellent" communication skills...

for at a moments notice my
thinking can become foggy and
my speech choppy or slurred.

GAIN: I've had more time to pray
for many of you... and to look to God
for both insight and strength... then, to listen,
ponder, and then listen again... hopefully to gain

wisdom and understanding into what's truly important.

Why does God bring me pain?

"So Merv," you ask... "all that loss/gain stuff is good positive thinking, but, really... why does God bring you suffering and pain?"

Neither you or I may ever completely understand why suffering exists... I know suffering overall has been good for me in so many ways (as mentioned in previous posts.) It's a long study... but here a glimpse into what helps me see a little clearer...

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Cor 4:7-10

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18

What about You...
Ultimately, I hope that what you see through my suffering is the light that Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

If my continuing life story points you to consider where your personal standing is with Jesus... then my suffering has a very important purpose for you, does it not? Especially, if the bible is true, and Jesus is who he says he (which I both fully believe)... then, it's not really about me, is it?

"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." 2 Cor 4:15

"For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened... but... He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage... we walk by faith, not by sight"
2 Cor 5:6,7

"And without faith it is not possible to be well-pleasing to him, for it is necessary for anyone who comes to God to have the belief that God is, and that he is a rewarder of all those who make a serious search for him." Heb 11:6

How long has it been since you cracked open a bible... is there a heaven, is there a hell, who is Jesus, what is true faith and why does it matter? I'd gladly suffer the rest of my life if it causes you to find out... START HERE.

Happy Valentines Babe

2011-02-13T20:54:00.000-08:00

Where the rubber meets the road...

2011-02-11T18:29:00.000-08:00

Accidents Make the Heart Grow Fonder!

The bad news...
"Dad, I've been in an accident... " (in the car that only had liability and not collision)

The good news...
Only the car was hurt... and father/son relationship grows...

Again, GOOD wins... BAD looses...

Heb 10:32,35-39 (NIV) ... in the face of suffering... do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

PHYSICAL UPDATE:
Please pray that OHSU decision makers again reconsider to allow my DBS surgery... they have denied twice now. Here is an excerpt from the letter I sent today at 5pm:

"My persistence in asking Dr. Burchiel to again reconsider may be annoying, or even appear silly... but for my wife and young children still under my care... it is essential that I try to stick around a little longer on this earth. They are rapidly loosing a devoted husband and father. Please, Dr. Burchiel, please reconsider."

"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength." ~ Charles Spurgeon

"Joy is that deep settled confidence that God is in control of every area of my life." Paul Sailhamer.

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." ~ George Mueller

OHSU to reconsider DBS surgery!

2011-02-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

Quick update... OHSU is reconsidering its position this coming Tuesday... Please pray... more to post concerning why coming in a bit...

PHYSICAL UPDATE: Watched horror flick "The Return of Stabbing Back Pain" last night and thus didn't get much sleep... still hurts... Pain Specialist appointment on 2/15/2011.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” Charles Schulz (cartoonist)

Man, It's been an exciting day!

2011-02-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

Been praying for me again, eh? Thank you!!! I am so grateful... Now, let me encourage you as we head to bed... watch this great clip and be encouraged! (Thanks for the link Michele Frost!)

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." ~ C. S. Lewis

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. ~ C. S. Lewis

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Not my favorite things...

2011-02-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

Zucchini, Eggplant, Red Tape... Just part of growing up I guess. Just received a call from Shannon at OHSU... very nice lady (thanks for your encouragement Shannon!)

Unfortunately, my Feb. 8th appointment has been canceled. Shannon, however, remains hopeful that someone from OHSU finance department will call me in the next few days to explore possible solutions to why Merv Best cannot get a battery charger for his brain. So I'll just wait for the call...

Thanks for your encouragement and prayers as we try to untangle with grace... besides, I've been preordained to not let RED bother me (born Color Blind to RED) More to come...

Philipians 4:6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

DBS SURGERY CANCELED?

2011-01-31T23:09:00.000-08:00

PLEASE PRAY...

Last Friday, and again today, we spoke with Todd Ellingston, (Administrative Assistant) with OHSU's Department of Neurological Surgery. According to Todd, "his superior" is not willing to trust Christian Care Medi-Share's 17 year payment history, since it is not a traditional "insurance" program.

Traditional health insurance comes with a contractual guarantee to pay your medical bills. CCM is a medical sharing program for Christians. For over 17 years, CCM has paid over $500 million in member-shared medical bills on a non-guaranteed basis. CCM members trust the Lord to provide in their time of need through the voluntary gifts of other like-minded Christians. (More info)

A CCM representative has called Todd explaining the way sharing works, but apparently to no avail. Even though OHSU has accepted my Christian Care Medi-Share "insurance" since 2005, for a combined total of over $6,000, he reports that traditional "insurance" is mandatory for all DBS patients! And, one more detail... Todd says they wouldn't take cash up front either! (if you are now very confused, join the club...)

After talking with Shannon Donovan (OHSU's DBS Program Coordinator) this afternoon, we plan on showing up on our Feb 8th appointment, and trust we will be allowed to see the Doctor...

But, thankfully God is not confused, RIGHT! Thank you for joining me in prayer as we seek God's direction and timing!!

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18 ~ The Parable of the Persistent Widow

Some Very Exciting News...

2011-01-30T08:07:00.000-08:00

Deep Brain Stimulation Stalls Parkinson’s Progression --Doctors Lounge

Motor symptoms do not
show expected worsening
after five years when
treatment briefly stopped

In patients with Parkinson's disease who are effectively treated with deep brain stimulation, the natural progression of the disease's motor symptoms appears to stabilize over time, according to a study published in the November issue of the International Journal of Neuroscience.

FRIDAY, Jan. 28 (HealthDay News) -- In patients with Parkinson's disease (PD) who are effectively treated with deep brain stimulation (DBS), the natural progression of the disease's motor symptoms appears to stabilize over time, according to a study published in the November issue of the International Journal of Neuroscience.

Michele Tagliati, M.D., of the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City, and colleagues investigated the long-term progression of PD motor symptoms in 50 patients treated with subthalamic nucleus deep brain stimulation (STN-DBS). Patients were evaluated preoperatively and at yearly intervals using the Unified Parkinson's Disease Rating Scale: 21 patients at year one, 17 at year two, 14 at year three, 16 at year four, and nine at year five. Four clinical states were assessed: off medication and DBS off, off medication and DBS on, on medication and DBS off, on medication and DBS on.

The researchers found that motor scores measured without medication and with DBS off were virtually unchanged compared to the preoperative scores of patients up to five years after surgery. This result was seen in patients with both shorter (<11 years) and longer duration of PD prior to surgery. There was also no consistent deterioration from untreated baseline in any of the motor subscores, which included tremor, rigidity, bradykinesia, and axial symptoms.

"Untreated PD motor scores did not worsen over time in patients undergoing STN-DBS, suggesting that there is no progression of motor severity. These results could be explained either by a natural stabilization of PD motor symptoms after many years or neuroprotective properties of STN-DBS," the authors write.

I'm Left Speechless... epilogue

2011-01-29T23:02:00.000-08:00

My precious Karli

Tonight, I read my previous post to Karli... until just before the Scripture... I said, "Poor Merv, right? Can't you see me sitting there trapped in my body?"

"Yes, I can Daddy..."

Then I read the scripture... "Poor Merv? No Way! Not according to what we just read!" I then said, "Let's count all the blessings WE together have seen come to be BECAUSE of Parkinson's."

And we did...

We thanked God together for Parkinson's, for alas, without PD, I would not likely have as consistently and as purposely put my little girls to bed every night (distracted by business, friends, etc.)...

Ah, the rewarding joy I receive when listening to the bible (the Word of Promise Audio Bible) every night... the tender "daddy" time... I sit in my chair at the end of her bed... and I rub her (and her sister's) feet... as we feast together in both the revelations and the mysteries of God's word.

Karli and I both have trouble falling asleep at night... which provides plenty of no-rush time with dad... lot's of time to get out what WE BOTH want/need to say... and, she soaks it up like a sponge!

I tell her that her inward beauty shines as she reaches for God's purpose; God's holiness... giving examples that I've been able to see in her throughout the day... and that her zest for life and smile makes her the prettiest 11 year old in the whole world... and, just like her dad, she has the joyful gift of focusing on the sunny warmth that lies just beyond the gray clouds above... seeing the sun beyond the clouds is a gift from God that she needs to share every day with those who see and feel only rain... She BEAMS...

"Now Karli, just like you and I are talking... talk to God... tell him your worries and fears... and tell him what you enjoyed... just talk to Him... He's smiling with us right now, and I'm getting tired, but He's still awake..." She smiles a contented smile, and closes her eyes...

"Good night Pumpkin, I love you..." "Good night, daddy, I love you too..."

I AM A RICH, BLESSED MAN INDEED!

Duet. 6:5-7 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

I'm Left Speechless...

2011-01-29T20:46:00.000-08:00

Remembering earlier weddings

Another wedding!

These past few months, it seems that during every wedding I've attended, I've been able to rally my brain cells for at least a 2-3 hour push... and then afterward, I sometimes crashing big time, but it's well worth the effort!

I'm doing fine on the way there... A little tweaky (involuntary motions) but doing great... half way through the ceremony now... oh, oh, it's time for meds (every 3 hours round the clock, remember?)... I try to tell Clara that I am going to slip into the rest room here at the church, and that I'll be back shortly... but that's not what came out... 10 minutes before end of the ceremony... WHAM! "Parks" takes over...

Oh no, I CAN'T speak...

Now, I may look normal from the outside (cuz I'm not tremoring) but I feel very NOT normal on the inside... I'm overheating, it's too loud so I can't think straight, I can barely put three intelligent words together, I'm all of a sudden needing to sit down... oh, I want so bad to just talk to the many friends

So here I am, sitting in the car...
So many around to talk with... So many familiar faces... But, I forgot to reserve my body and brain before "Parks" did... I was so looking forward to catching up with everyone...

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

"No sin is worse than the sin of self pity, because it removes God from the throne of our lives, replacing Him with our own self interests. It causes us to open our mouths only to complain, and we simply become spiritual sponges - - always absorbing, never giving and never being satisfied. And there is nothing lovely or generous about our lives." Oswald Chambers

You Prayed? I slept great! (and no Pain meds!)

2011-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update (cause I'm still so tired) You Prayed for me and I slept great! (and without pain meds or muscle relaxers) Mort to post later...

My pain...

2011-01-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

my back pain is almost unbearable... similar type of pain when the Dentist drill hits a nerve without Novocaine... appreciate your prayers...

I woke up this morning and laughed...

2011-01-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

(.. I thot, "How can I have Cervical Dystonia... since I'm pretty darn sure I don't have a cervix!" For those of you who flunked Human Anatomy, a cervix is definitely NOT a part of the male anatomy.)

I'm feeling a little better this morning... definitely not going to lift anything heavy (or try to remember not to) but I am encouraged that Cervical Dystonia ("Cervical" meaning serious pain in the neck/shoulders region of a guy or a gal) is often relieved with DBS surgery, which I'm hoping to have done in March. My "suffering" is really quite a light case, not worthy of much fanfare or praise... a mere "sniffle" in the scope of human trials.


*Lauren, 14, Taeryn, 7, and Karson, 5* *lost their father to a drunk driver at Christmas*

Recently, my sister Dawna (who is one of my heroes... read her fist fight with MS here) shared the following link about another family in their church. The Berg's, coming back from their Christmas vacation, were struck head on by a drunk driver. The dad, Myron Berg, died at the scene.

Grab a box of tissues if you're a girl... or, if you're a guy, grab yourself your preferred beverage (cuz real men don't cry, right?) and read about the Berg family accident here, then here to meet Gillian Berg... it's a tremendous journal of hope-filled words in the midst of true, catestrophic pain... it's an amazing testimony. To myself (and other swimmers like me), Gillian Berg is proving her worth as an advanced life-saver in God's Pool of Suffering (while I struggle to learn how to float.)

THANK YOU FOR STANDING IN THE GAP IN PRAYER FOR ME! Since I'm the proud owner of Cervical Dystonia, I'll grab some tissues AND MY FAVORITE BEVERAGE and read more of Gillian's Blog right now... Dorrie says she read some good stuff there on overcoming fear...

Merv
Say, not that I'm worried... but it's not possible for a guy to get Cervical Cancer of the neck, is it? ;-)

Well, at least the demon has a name... Dystonia!

2011-01-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

48 hours of the worst constant pain I've ever experienced...

"Because of my sufferings, I will appreciate (in heaven) the scars of Christ and also the scars of other believers. (In heaven) I will see men and women that in the world were cut in pieces, burnt in flames, tortured and persecuted, eaten by beasts, and drowned in the seas - - all for the love they had for the Lord. What a privelege it will be to stand in their ranks! But what a shame it would be if, in conversing with them, we could only shrug our shoulders and prattle Me? Suffer?...... Perhaps we would bite our complaining tongues more often if we stopped to picture this scene in heaven. The examples of other suffering saints are meant to inspire us upward on our heavenly journey home." Joni Eareckson Tada

Understanding Parkinson’s disease
When we think about the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease people often associate it with the more common symptoms such as stiffness in the joints, slowness of movement and poor mobility. There are however other symptoms which can be just as debilitating but which don’t show outwardly, pain is one of them.

Most sufferers of this disease will admit to having painful symptoms and have some form of painful discomfort on a daily basis, in fact this symptom can become so severe that other symptoms of the disease are overshadowed, yet it is a symptom which is very often overlooked by people in general.
Pain and discomfort associated with Parkinson’s disease is brought about either due to musculoskeletal problems brought on by poor posture, or brought on by Dystonia which is the twisting of a muscle group or body part and discomfort due to severe restlessness.

Musculoskeletal pain
Aching muscles and joints are a common side effect in someone with Parkinson’s disease, lack of movement and abnormal posture all contribute to this. One of the most common forms of musculoskeletal pain is stiffness in the shoulder which is often termed frozen shoulder; hip, back and neck pain are also common symptoms in the disease.

Pain caused by Dystonia
Pain associated with Dystonic spasms are usually amongst the most painful symptoms that sufferers of Parkinson’s will encounter. This type of pain is brought about due to the forceful, twisting posture which Dystonia bring about. Dystonia will affect the limbs, trunk, neck, face, jaw, swallowing muscles and vocal chords of the sufferer, one of the most common and painful symptoms is the curling of the toes and feet.

The most important step in diagnosing pain which is due to Dystonia is establishing its relationship to dopaminergic medication prescribed for Parkinson’s. For example does this occur when the medicine reaches peak effect or when it is wearing off?

Treatment for pain relating to Dystonia will vary; early morning treatment can be exercise or be relieved by taking medication. People who suffer from intractable Dystonia may benefit from deep brain stimulation which involves implanting electrodes in the brain and activating them.

"Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

worse stabbing back pain in my life... meds no effect...

2011-01-15T20:50:00.001-08:00

The Bible on DRUGS! (How to get your kids to BEG you to read the bible to them EVERY night!)

2011-01-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

Dads, how do you put your young kids to bed? What's that? You say it's the wife's job? I'd encourage you to reconsider. Before you know it, your little tikes become big tikes... and you can't turn back the clock.

Unfortunately, Parkinson's Disease has made me the world's worst reader... and, by 8:30pm, even if I could read, I'm exhausted! So for months now, all I've been able to do (after kissing them goodnight and praying with them) is set my iPad in their room and stream good, soothing music for them to nod off to sleep... then, Dorrie and I slip in to the living room to watch the day's recorded news (and get depressed watching how bad everything is out there!)

Well, last night I decided to spend some "quality" time with my two girls... and have some good old fashioned bible reading. The girls grumbled in disappointment.

However, we were about to discover something truly breathtaking...

For the next hour, Karli, Clara, and I were magically transported back in time to when Jesus walked the earth in human form. And, at the end, Karli (the only one still awake) sleepily exclaimed, "can we do this every night... and start with Genesis?" Yes Karli, we can...

Let the adventure begin!

The Bread of Life (John 6:1-35) by The Word of Promise

Amazing truth from 1 Peter 4:1

2011-01-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

Here is an amazing question to ponder: If you could choose to SUFFER constant pain in order not to SIN, or choose not to SUFFER and allow SIN to exist, what would you choose?

1 Peter 4
Stewards of God’s Grace
Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead, that though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does.

Clarke's Commentary on the Bible
"[Since therefore Christ suffered] - He is your proper pattern; have the same disposition he had; the same forgiving spirit, with meekness, gentleness, and complete self-possession. He that hath suffered in the flesh, hath ceased from sin - This is a general maxim, if understood literally: The man who suffers generally reflects on his ways, is humbled, fears approaching death, loathes himself because of his past iniquities, and ceases from them; for, in a state of suffering, the mind loses its relish for the sins of the flesh, because they are embittered to him through the apprehension which he has of death and judgment; and, on his application to God's mercy, he is delivered from his sin."

Mean or Nice?

2011-01-09T06:01:00.000-08:00

"Mean or Nice?"

First, thanks for your prayers... I absolutely tie ANY of my physical improvements to your heavenward petitions on my behalf. Many of you have told me that you (or your children) pray for me daily... again, thank you!

Now, more than ever, my medicine regime needs to be closely monitored, as variations in meds and/or other factors can bring on brief times of moderate depression. The variables appear to be amount of sleep, the amount of stress I am under, the effectiveness of the PD drugs to deliver the correct chemical balance to my nervous system, and most importantly whether the Blazers win or lose (just kidding). From what I can deduct, I appear to have a 3 to 5 day cycle in which I can go from the mountain top to the dark valley below and back.

Depression is quite a new experience for me... one that has been hard for me to imagine what it must feel like UNTIL I have now experienced it for myself. I've never have had to deal with oppressive feelings to this degree every before... and as such, I have a new compassion for those who struggle with depression long term. Thankfully, I have an understanding wife, and we talk and pray through these brief dark times until we are safely on the other side.

Have you ever thot about how difficult it is to write coherently about how you brain is slipping when it's that very same slipping brain doing the writing? Hard to be objective (at least I think it is...) During a recent coherent moment, I wrote a note to some dear friends explaining how I feel... Dorrie thot it would be good to share with you all... so here it is:

Dear Lisa and Dick,

I wanted to express my thanks for your kindness over the past few years... whether it was simply the times you were flexible to give Colton a ride back to your house when needed, or the many times you have gone beyond and extended yourselves otherwise, even financially... thank you!

When Colton was much younger, he was fascinated with guns and loved playing "mean or nice" with people. Like any good homeschool parent, Dorrie and I taught him responsible toy gun ownership; to shoot only "mean" people with his toy gun! Colton would ask us many times through the day whether we were "mean" or "nice". Of course, I was mostly nice. But sometimes, much to Colton's delight, I was "mean"... and the inevitable consequence of being "mean" was an invisible bullet to the chest.

In my battle with Parkinson's Disease, I'm mostly nice... but, fighting "Parks" (the mean guy, as named by Dorrie) can leave me exhausted and in debilitating pain. Many times throughout the day I'm unable to speak with enough clarity to be understood. I can sometimes "push through" and find maybe 60 seconds of social grace, but no more... then, it's as if a 10 second fuse is lit and I find myself quickly withdrawing from conversations to the safety of being alone. Any delay in my retreat often produces an awkward moment for all...

Tonight, when I picked up Colton, I was doing quite poorly (if I appeared otherwise, it was only a temporary burst of God's grace!) Thus, your genuine and thoughtful questions were quickly answered by "Parks" before "I" (the nice one) could answer. Predictably, when I got in the car I could not speak clearly enough to be understood even by Colton. I found myself yet again, driving home inside a body locked in silence, longing for the once possessed ability to connect with a teenage son needing his dad.

Yet, somehow through all of this God is good... And I trust Him to make up the lack where I fail as husband, father, and friend.

Hopefully, this explanation helps you have a greater understanding of this complex disease... please don't feel awkward or feel like you need to do anything different next time... and when you see me distancing myself from conversation, it's only because "Parks" overpowers me and drags me away...

Thanks again, dear friends... your prayers are cherished. Know that I'm praying for God's grace and peace to be your daily bread.

Trusting in Him,

Merv

An earlier post contains this video which attempts to portray how it feels like to battle the "mean" guy named "Parks". You can watch it here.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Again, thank you for your continued prayers...

Merv

PS... sorry for the poor object lesson on who it's OK to shoot. In the above letter, the simplistic "good guy, bad guy" world seldom exists in real life. Telling our toddlers it's OK to shoot "bad" guys in play should probably be re-thought, or at least clarified, in today's shooting-crazy world...

Fun while it lasted 2

2010-12-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

This is the hardest day for a long time... Just may be the worst 24 hour period since being diagnosed with PD. Body aches, pain, worry, depression... feels like a race against time...

Appreciate prayers.

Psalms 74:25-26 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

OHSU Surgery PRAYER ALERT!

2010-12-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

1/31/2010 UPDATE: PLEASE PRAY...We seem to be at an impass with Dr. Burchell's office because they are not wanting to trust Christian Care Medi Share since it is a different kind of "insurance." (They are saying they can't even do the DBS if we pay out of pocket.)

DBS Surgery is ONLY $70,000... such a deal!

After talking with OHSU doctors recently, we have chosen to postpone the California Stem Cell Surgery which had been slated for January 2011.

Instead, I am in line to receive what's a called Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS). This surgery has advanced significantly in the last couple of years and shows a lot of promise for improvement for me. It is our hope that this reversible brain surgery will relieve many of my current debilitating symptoms from PD, and from the medicines I take for it.

THE ROAD AHEAD...
Over the next few months we covet your support in prayer. We are at peace going to OHSU to do the DBS surgery as soon as March 2011. The surgery will be done by Dr. Bruchell, one of the leading Neurosurgeons in the US for DBS.

We are excited around here... but also, a little scared! After all, this is Brain Surgery we're talking about!

Thank you all SO MUCH for praying!

Best Regards,

Merv and Dorrie

Fun while it lasted

2010-11-30T05:04:00.001-08:00

Just a quick update...

For those of you who were rejoicing with me this past week on recent improvements with my PD symptoms... Well, keep praying!

Seems like the improvements were short lived, as stiffness, involuntary movements, and brain fog return... Ah,the joys of living inside this ol' body!

"To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love." ~ A.W. Tozer

Let not your heart be troubled...

2010-11-28T03:28:00.000-08:00

I love these boys (now men!)

I'm feeling troubled about many things tonight... my current health and upcoming surgeries, my hope in a bright economic future, my confidence in parenting and lack of "gentleness" (using 400 pound words to express 5 pound thots)... sometimes I just feel like the clear world I used to see has become blurry... and, in the fuzzyiness I can feel distant from God.

Thankfully, others have walked these roads before me, and their words have given my path better light... one of these is a gal named Misty, author of the blog A JOYOUS LIFE...

"Trusting God can be hard and it is just a matter of walking it out in faith. The world comes and tries to take over. Our own minds wanting answers get caught up in it all and then we just put ourselves in a spiral. Although I don't understand WHY today I am going to choose to trust Him. That He really does have good planned for my life and will walk me in all the paths I go down. Guiding me and helping me to go straight. I don't understand. My head knows that this happened for a reason and things continue to happen for a reason but my prayer today is that I can get it in my HEART to understand. I will never be able to fully understand God or His reasons but I can learn to understand that He loves me and has the best intentions for me in the pain of this world. I can learn to trust Him. He walks me down this path. It is bumpy and has smooth moments, tear filled moments and anger moments but He stops with me. He sits with me as I stomp my feet in frustration. As I bang my fists on the ground He doesn't stop me from the emotions but He sits with me patiently understanding as I go through them. As I allow myself to experience the emotions and be weak. He cries with me because I am sad. He hurts with me. I will understand that. In all my weakness my Daddy is holding me and I trust that."

So, do I realize that the all powerful, totally in control, Master of the universe is telling me to shut my eyes and fall back into His arms of provision for me? In my head, yes... but sadly, not completely in my heart... So, like a kid, I peak (just to make sure, right?)

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come [back] again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also... All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (from John 14)

It's going to be OK, Merv... eventually... even if it's confusing or hard to see all the reasons or answers right now...

"Lord Jesus, I choose to believe... help me in my unbelief..."

Sincerely,
Merv (your adopted son)

PS Thank you for your continued prayers... yes, GOD is Enough!
PPS I encourage you to visit Misty's public blog A JOYOUS LIFE. She has a real gift to communicate and express the deep work God has done and is doing in her walk of faith.

God is enough, right Dawna?

2010-11-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

Me and sis making an early mess!

Suffering Christians share a comradeship much like that of those who've been wounded together in a great battle... like survivors of D Day... and, it's the only army in the world that one can serve with his kid sister! Hang in there Dawna, we are gonna "fight" this good fight together...

"When we are consciously aware of being used as broken bread and poured out wine, we have yet another level to reach - a level where all awareness of ourselves and what God is doing through us is completely eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint - a saint is consciously dependent on God." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked." Revelation 3:17

Fun while it lasted 2

2010-11-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

Then and Now

2010-11-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

Parkinson's Disease has robbed me of the ability to move about freely... I'd like that ability back SOON!

OK Lord, remind me again... Why suffering and pain?

2010-11-12T05:08:00.000-08:00

LITTLE BRAIN THOTS


Ah, I remember being in that guy's body... say where did it go?

This has been a difficult night... So stiff and achy... Waking up 3 times throughout the wee hours of the night feeling paralyzed and alone... So easy to play victim of my circumstance, rather than looking to God. Help me to love you more Father, and to make a difference today in someone else... Amen.

BIG BRAIN THOTS
"Though my natural instinct is to wish for a life free from pain, trouble, and adversity, I am learning to welcome anything that makes me conscious of my need for Him. If prayer is birthed out of desperation, then anything that makes me desperate for God is a blessing." Nancy Leigh DeMoss, A Place of Quiet Rest

"God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our commitment to him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in time of sorrow, increase faith and strengthen character." Joni Eareckson Tada

"Perhaps the way your or I hold up under suffering may be instrumental in the conversion of someone who in turn brings up his family in the fear of the Lord, so that his daughter's son becomes the next Whitefield, Spurgeon or Carey or Wilberforce. There comes a time when by rereading the Scriptures it dawns on us that God frequently utilizes small acts of faithfulness in the context of deep misery to bring forth blessing we could not possibly have asked for, but would have been happy to suffer for it." DA Carson, How Long O Lord

"The men who have done the most for God in this world have been early on their knees. He who fritters away the early morning, its opportunity and freshness, in other pursuits than seeking God will make poor headway seeking Him the rest of the day. If God is not first in our thoughts and efforts in the morning, He will be in the last place the remainder of the day." E.M. Bounds

OK, Just one more DBS video!

2010-11-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

Please forgive me... I just had to share just one more "Miracle"...

Learning to love suffering (again)

2010-11-10T21:13:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize that my pity parties are never profitable,
and the sooner I turn them around, the better...

A POEM BY MARGARET SNELL NICHOLSON
(a "mendicant" is a beggar)

    I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne
    And begged him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own
    I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart
    I cried, "But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart.
    This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given me."
    He said, "My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee."
    I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,
    As long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more.
    I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,
    He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face

When I posted this recently, I received this email in response:

"Such a romantic thing, to be able to be as she was... but is it even possible to get there? I struggle so greatly with my life.. the pain, the constant loss. The feeling like I'm in a bubble and the rest of the world continues on... the emotional struggles of those around me in trying to deal with this new lack of function. It's hard on not just me. Do you think this can happen for everyone? Can we all can get to the place she is at?"

Here is my reply:

Yes, Sis, it is a road, but more than that... as you know, I'm so exhausted by noon every day, that I fall asleep... but when I wake up, most of the time I'm depressed rather than rested... I've always been so productive... but not any more... I can be so hard on myself that I'm a pain to be around.

However, I've come to realize that my pity parties are never profitable, and the sooner I turn them around, the better...

Philipians3:8-21 I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things (our sense of what we've lost due to our illnesses.) I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ— the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings,Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. [Sis], I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Join with others in following my example, [sis], and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

I always need to remind myself that in my loss, I've gained something so much better!

A Patient guide to Deep Brain Stimulation

2010-11-10T20:53:00.000-08:00

OK, this is fascinating! This is a 2010 video of what's going to happen to me (Lord willing!)

They're Gonna Mess with MY MIND!

2010-11-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

MONSTER GAME SHOW

We have some important dates to announce:

Jan. 13,18,20 2011 (Los Angeles)

Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) Surgery and Adult Stem Cell Harvesting

Sept - Dec 2011 (TBA)

Re-implantation of Adult Stem Cells

We are excited around here! But also, a little scared... this is Brain Surgery we're talking about!

The following videos (part 1 and 2) will give you an idea of what I'm facing with the decision to include the DBS implant... the hope, the risks, and all the emotions associated.

Thanks for walking through this with me...

Get up Morpheus, get up!

2010-10-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

So you may have heard by now... We are scheduling for Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) and stem cell harvesting as early as December 9th... almost there, yet something about me is wrong; very wrong...

I'm told that my progressive
PD symptoms will eventually
push family and friends away...

Something has snapped... Something deep inside... Hard to express... but it feels very dark and lonely... a place of grieving and loss... I'm so grieved at the loss of feeling like "me"... grieved at not being able to serve you, my family and friends as I so desire...

I'm weak... and I feel it's toll on who I am... with great pain and sorrow, we all watch in disbelief as "Merv" slips away from us...

Feeling like a burden...

I've always been able to reach and touch "HOPE"... Scary feeling tonight; I reached for it, and it wasn't there... am I going crazy?!?

At present my medication is not working. I'm at the maximum dosage of sinemet and comtan. I'm unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a time... more "off" periods than "on"... and experience almost constant stiffness and immobility... all this I can handle, IF bundled with HOPE...

Please God, don't take my mind before you take the rest...

"Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds. Faith in its actual working out has to go through spells of unsyllabled isolation. Never confound the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, much that we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him - I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" - this is the most sublime utterance of faith in the whole of the Bible." Oswald Chambers

"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him" Job 13:15

"I say this with care, but I wonder if a fierce, insistent desire for a miracle - - even a physical healing - sometimes betrays a lack of faith rather than an abundance of it. When yearning for a miraculous resolution to a problem, do we make our loyalty to God contingent on whether he reveals himself yet again in the seen world?" Phillip Yancey

PD: How Would YOU Cope?

2010-10-29T02:18:00.000-07:00

What it would be like to have your mental ability to process visual and audio, slow down to this speed... welcome to Parkinson's Disease!

Return to Me

2010-10-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

Don't miss the out-take at 5:20 min...

Breakthrough Therapy for PD Sufferers

2010-10-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

Flying around and pulling your body through 5 G's... is great fun!

My prayer for you

2010-10-13T00:35:00.001-07:00

Lamentations 3:21-26 (English Standard Version)

But this I call to mind,
   and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
   his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
   to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly
   for the salvation of the LORD.

Here am I...

2010-10-13T00:28:00.000-07:00

And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.
So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-20

Who Will Go?

So the question is, “Who will go? Who will proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ where the church is not yet planted and flourishing? Should I go? I ask myself this at least once a year. And I mean it seriously. I am willing to go. I think every follower of Jesus is bound by the cords of love and obedience to say, “I am willing to follow you wherever you lead me.” Every believer in Jesus should say, “Here am I, send me, if that is your will.” ~ John Piper

JOY IN THE RAIN...

2010-10-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

LITTLE BRAIN THOTS
I have few childhood memories stronger than listening to a certain children's recording entitled Let's Fly to the Moon. This memory dates back to somewhere in the mid 1960's... before text messaging, iPods, or ear buds... before high speed internet, DVD's, CD's, or cassette tapes. It was the era of the 33 and 1/3 record, and I had just received one as a gift... it was mine!


I've been looking for this album for years... finally found this copy on eBay for $1.00!

I remember sitting for hours,
memorizing each line as I played
it over and over again...

all the while etching the fresh images permanently on my mind's canvas.
Stories of Pinocchio, Peter Pan...
and my favorite,

The Monkey Who Wanted to Fly

"One day in the park, the girls and the boys, could hear a most pitiful cry.
And who do you think
was making that noise?
A monkey who wanted to fly!

I try to make wings, from all sorts of things,
I flap them and aim for the sky,
I make the right sound, and zoom off the ground,
but I crash for I can't seem to fly!

Well Tony you see, was partners with me,

a fine hurdy gurdy he'd play.

And I would hold up, my little tin cup,

we made a fine living that way.

Then Tony said he, could do without me,
although I shall never know why.
So here on the limb, I cry about him,
for what monkey business have I?

We'll come every day, we'll sing and we'll play,

and help you pretend it's old times.

You'll hold your tin cup, and we'll fill it up

with pennies and nickels and dimes.

And then one thing more, we'll go to the store,

a toy hurdy-gurdy to buy.

And you'll be our pet. We're glad that we met

a monkey who wanted to fly!

Even to this day, all I need to do is shut my eyes, start the memorized lines, recall the pictures... and I'm there once again...

But, just like in Peter Pan, I grew up... Well, as we all find out eventually, adult life can be very tough... as if struggles within the normal roles in marriage, parenting, and one's career are not enough, pain, disease, and death are lurking around every corner... it WILL suck the joy out of you in a flash... BUT, ONLY IF YOU LET IT!

BIG BRAIN THOTS
"The joy of the Lord is your strength." (Neh 8:10). Where do saints get their joy? If we did not know some Christians well, we might think from just observing them that they have no burdens at all to bear. But we must lift the veil from our eyes. The fact that the peace, light and joy of God is in the is proof that a burden is there as well. The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces wine, but most of us only see the wine and not the burden. No power on earth or in hell can conquer the spirit of God living within the living spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. If your life is only producing a whine and not a wine, then ruthlessly kick it out. It is definitely a crime for a Christian to be weak in God's strength." - Oswald Chambers

"Christians rejoice even while they truly sorrow - - because their rejoicing is in the hope of heaven....While joy overcomes sorrow, it does not put an end to it." - John Calvin

"When was the last time you laughed for the sheer joy of your salvation? People are not attracted to somber doctrines. There is no persuasive power in a gloomy and morbid religion. Let the world see your joy and you won't be able to keep them away. To be filled with God is to be filled with joy" - Anonymous

"The most valuable thing the Psalms do for me is to express the same delight in God which made David dance." C. S. Lewis

"It is an unfortunate thing for the Christian to be melancholy. If there is any man in the world that has a right to have a bright, clear face and a flashing eye, it is the man whose sins are forgiven him, who is saved with God's salvation." - Charles Spurgeon

"Your sorrow itself shall be turned into joy. Not the sorrow to be taken away, and joy to be put in it's place, but the very sorrow which now grieves you shall be turned into joy. God not only takes away the bitterness and gives sweetness in it's place, but turns the bitterness into sweetness itself." - Charles Spurgeon (on John 16:33)

"Sorrow for sin should be the keenest sorrow; joy in the Lord should be the loftiest joy. - Charles Spurgeon (on Phillipians 4:4)

I'm hoping that my good looks will get me into heaven!

2010-10-11T03:21:00.000-07:00

As a matter of fact I'm so good looking that the other day I found women young and old, STARING AT ME...

I'm obvious eye candy to most women these days (yet, I'm not sure why their small children started crying as they saw me approach!)

Dream on Merv...

Seriously, here is the truth about me...

I heard someone say the other day
They'd seen in me true love displayed
Blessed by something I had done for them

No sooner did they speak those words
I found myself somehow disturbed
Uneasy as I took their compliment

Because I know the heart inside this man
And I know the truth of who I am

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I'll live long enough to know no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart
And see things as they really are
I wonder if you might be surprised

Seeing faded walls of pride and fear
Rooms I've filled with faithless tears
And corners where I've stood in compromise

Oh but you'd see the work his grace has done
And you'd know just how far I've come

The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I'll live long enough to know no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

And in a thousand years
When the dust of this world clears
And I look back on my life and see in perfect light

Yeah, yeah, the only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I know me well enough to know yeah

The only thing that's good in me is yeah
The only thing that's good in me is yeah
I know me well enough to know no matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is, yeah, is Jesus
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Is Jesus the only way to Heaven?

Doing my Best...

2010-10-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

These past 72 hours have been the hardest in my continued battle with PD.

If you've been wondering where I've disappeared to the past month... Well, those have been difficult also... My "on" periods have become less frequent and shorter... I seem to be losing weight fast and at times I'm so weak I can hardly move (like right now!)

Our daddy gives the best horsey rides!

However bleak this may sound, I am truly a blessed man... I know where I'm going after this body gives up... But, by God's grace and with His strength, I believe that time is not yet... I'm told that they are ready to schedule my surgery... Just a little longer Merv, just a little longer... Hold on... I've so much left to do, precious children who still need their daddy... a wonderful wife who still leans on me... God please heal me!

Yet, I trust and hope in God... He is ENOUGH!

Psalms 73: 23-28
Yet I am always with you;
       you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
       and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
       And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
       but God is the strength of my heart
       and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
       you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
       I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
       I will tell of all your deeds.

Yokes and Burdens

2010-09-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

Jesus happened to say some amazing things almost every day of his recorded life... and at the top of my list is the following from Matthew 11:30: "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Say what Lord? You've got to be kidding...must be a misprint. Either you've been playing "Ants" too long on my iPad (the game "Ants" is where you use a magnifying glass to focus the sun's rays and burn as many ants as you can) or you are trying to be funny (did you happen to notice I'm not laughing?) Remind my again just how my present "living hell" pain and fear come from your "good" hand?

LITTLE BRAIN THOTS. I'm on vacation with my sister Dawna and family, but you wouldn't know it by looking at the pictures... my nephew Daniel's birthday party on Friday:

Where is Uncle Merv?

Presents? Check.
Cake and ice-cream? Check.
Fun, laughter, and games? Check, check, check!
Merv? Nope, no check... just call me Waldo...
How about the fire on the beach last night with everyone singing, laughing, and eating s'mores until the sun goes under water? Nope again...

Where is uncle Merv? Alone in the condo, waiting to come back from yet another crash. But if I do, it's usually too late. Ryan must have told me five times over the past few days, "Uncle Merv, I don't want you to have Parkinson's." I know Ryan, neither do I.

So, back to 2am and my pity party... I'm thinking about the words "yoke, easy, burden, light" and getting more confused and upset by the minute. I feel prompted me to look up the context of Matt 11:30... starting at vs 25...

²⁵At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

BIG BRAIN THOTS. " Did you ever stop to ask what a yoke is really for? Is it to be a burden to the animal which wears it? It is just the opposite: it is to make its burden light. Attached to the oxen in any other way than by a yoke, the plow would be intolerable; worked by means of a yoke, it is light. A yoke is not an instrument of torture; it is an instrument of mercy. It is not a malicious contrivance for making work hard; it is a gentle device to make hard labor light. [Christ] knew the difference between a smooth yoke and a rough one, a bad fit and a good one... The rough yoke galled, and the burden was heavy; the smooth yoke caused no pain, and the load was lightly drawn. The badly fitted harness was a. misery; the well fitted collar was "easy". And what was the "burden"? It was not some special burden laid upon the Christian, some unique infliction that they alone must bear. It was what all men bear: it was simply life, human life itself, the general burden of life which all must carry with them from the cradle to the grave. Christ saw that men took life painfully. To some it was a weariness, to others failure, to many a tragedy, to all a struggle and a pain. How to carry this burden of life had been the whole world's problem. And here is Christ's solution: "Carry it as I do. Take life as I take it. Look at it from my point of view. Interpret it upon my principles. Take my yoke and learn of me, and you will find it easy. For my yoke is easy, sits right upon the shoulders, and therefore my burden is light." (Henry Drummond)

Turning Grumbling into Groaning...

2010-08-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

LITTLE BRAIN THOTS
Yesterday, Dorrie and I went to our appointment with Dr. Newman to see if he could sort out my amino acid /meds to find a maintainable state. It is such a balancing act with no real "balance" ever reached. After an hour of discussion of blood tests and symptoms he adjusted things, added this and that, and of course, gave me the hefty bill for his time. ;-)

Last night was the worst off period I've ever had... It began at midnight, when "Parks" woke me up and demanded some medicine. (I told him that I'd rather sleep, but I knew he'd continue to pester me until I listened.) My entire body was numb, especially my arms and legs... I concentrated all the brain power I had... just to move. Very slowly (using my arms as feeble cranes) I dropped one leg at a time over the edge of the bed, and shuffled (as best I could) over to take my meds. From there, it took me 20-30 minutes to get dressed... stumbled downstairs, and exhausted, slumped into the embrace of my favorite chair.

And there I sat...

The worst time for me is when I start to dwell on how unproductive "Parks" makes me... but, I've discovered that the best way to beat that mind game is to pray for you! By getting my mind off my life; by looking around and seeing the real-life struggles of others... well, I'm often move to tears and always compelled to pray (and every time by praying for you, I find the grace to trust God for my fears.)

But last night's "off" was so "off", that all my mind could do was picture some of your faces... and then... groan! I couldn't type... I couldn't talk or even think clearly... but, I could bring up mental images of many of you and your various needs and... groan! Yet, I had a sense that prayer was still happening. This morning, I'm reminded of Romans 8:26, but now, with a deeper appreciation!

... the Spirit intercedes for the saints
according to the will of God. (Rom 8:27)

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
(Romans 8:26-27 ESV)

BIG BRAIN THOTS

"Our prayer must not be self-centered. It must arise not only because we feel our own need as a burden we must lay upon God, but also because we are so bound up in love for our fellow men that we feel their need as acutely as our own. To make intercession for men is the most powerful and practical way in which we can express our love for them." - John Calvin

"We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties." - Oswald Chambers

"The battle of prayer is against two things in the earthlies: wandering thoughts, and lack of intimacy with God's character as revealed in His word. Neither can be cured at once, but they can be cured by discipline." - Oswald Chambers

Parents of 50 Million U.S. Children Soon to Lose Parental Rights

2010-08-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

If your children attend public school, you are among those parents whose rights will end the moment your child enters the school. That’s because in 2005 the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals found in Fields v. Palmdale School District “that the Meyer-Pierce right [of parents to direct the upbringing of their children] does not exist beyond the threshold of the school door.”

You read that right. Parental Rights “[do] not exist beyond the threshold of the school door.”

“We conclude that the parents are possessed of no constitutional right to prevent the public schools from providing information on the subject [of sexuality] to their students in any forum or manner they select” (emphasis added).

Of course, most parents contend they don’t have a choice in where their children are schooled. Either economic constraints or personal circumstances leave them with no practical alternative to the local public school. And that leaves no parental rights at all.

Please act to reverse this assault by big government courts against parental rights. Sign the petition and get more information at ParentalRights.org.

Then, please pass this on. Every parent of a public school student needs to know the extent to which the courts have robbed them of their rights. Click here to visit this page online and use the “share” button to add it to virtually any other social network. (To read more from this case, click here.)

Know Where You're Going?

2010-08-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

"Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has." Billy Graham

Billy Graham,
at 91 has
Parkinson’s

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor.

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because... he struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, “We don’t expect a major address. Just come and let us honour you.” So he agreed.

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, “I’m reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once travelling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.

The conductor said, “Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.”

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, “Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.”

Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.’”

Having said that Billy Graham continued, “See the suit I’m wearing? It’s a brand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I’ve gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.

You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I’ll be buried. But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing. I want you to remember this:

I not only know who I am ... I also know where I’m going.”
(author unknown)

Do you know?

John 14:1-3 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

My Little Brain Pledge:

I purpose to be passionate in the pursuit of holiness, and to look for and remove any weeds of sin which I've allowed either overtly or covertly to invade my heart.
I purpose to lead a disciplined life; to rise early and to study God's Word with all the determination I can muster, expecting God to provide both wisdom and faith to constantly lead my wife and family to the cross.
I purpose to kick "Parks" in the ass every time he shows up... he has overstayed his welcome and I must not let him take over my life. He selfishly looks to weaken both my spiritual and physical walk... but with Christ's help he will NEVER do so! Every time I struggle out of bed and reach for medicine, in my heart I will always purpose to reach for the grace which only Christ can (and will) provide.

Copy and Paste...

2010-08-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Getting back to the basics... Believe and Suffer?

Philippians 1:27-30 Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened in anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.

Clara, comforting a newborn goat.

Little Brain Thots:

Throughout the day (and especially at nite) I ponder, pray, read, and research the words of others who have suffered much more than I have or and likely ever will... their insightful words often bowl me over; for they encourage me to press on... I simply share their words by copy and paste... often, it is physically impossible for me to do much more that that.

I'm beginning to see that ALL who are called by Christ WILL suffer with Him...without it, we are shallow, fair-weather followers indeed. But the wonderful news is that true peace and joy are EVENTUALLY discovered by all who endure to the end... and when I see my own heart compelled to prefer my painful present condition with Christ instead of what this world and it's pleasures could offer without Christ... well, that blows my mind also!

Big Brain Thots:
"When trial or tragedy strikes... when the storms of adversity beat on us, it will be the foundations of our life that will sustain and enable us to endure. As with Job, so faith and righteusness will decide the outcome of life's testings." Henry Gariepy (Portraits of Perseverance)

"If the first mark of a true and living church is love, the second is suffering. The one is naturally consequent on the other. A willingness to suffer proves the genuineness of love." John Stott

John Buynan's Words

2010-08-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

"Take heed of little sins."

"Sin is the dare of God's justice, the rape of His mercy, the jeer of His patience, the slight of His power, and the contempt of His love."

2007 Family Vacation to Boston

“He who runs from God in the morning will scarcely find him the rest of the day”

“Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer”

“If you have sinned, do not lie down without repentance; for the want of repentance after one has sinned makes the heart yet harder and harder”

The Conversion of John Bunyan

2010-08-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

John Bunyan, whose conversion we are now about to record, was born in the old English village of Elstow, in the year 1628.

His father, who was a poor brazier and tinker, brought him up to the same handicraft. Though at heart an atheist, and terribly profane, he was never a drunkard, or of unclean life. "The thing that gave Bunyan any notoriety in the days of his ungodliness," writes his biographer, Dr. Hamilton, "and which made him afterwards to appear to himself such a monster of iniquity, was the energy which he put into all his doings. He had a zeal for idle play and an enthusiasm in mischief which were the perverse manifestations of a forceful character."

This energetic disposition of character naturally gave him a position of prominence among his fellows, and he became a ragamuffin chief and leading spirit in all the idle sports and pastimes enacted on Elstow Green. "The only restraining influence of which he then felt the power was terror," says the above-mentioned writer. "His days were often gloomy through forebodings of wrath to come, and his nights were scared with visions which the boisterous diversions and adventures of his waking days could not always dispel. He would dream that the last day had come, and that the quaking earth was opening its mouth to let him down to hell; or he would find himself in the grasp of fiends who were dragging him powerless away."

But these influences did not extend beyond the period of his boyhood, and he became hardened, almost "past feeling," as he became older. He several times escaped death in a remarkably providential manner; but this "goodness of God" failed utterly to lead him to "repentance." He married at an early age, and it appears that his wife was the daughter of a godly man. She possessed two small books which her father had left her on his death-bed, as her only legacy; these were, "The Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven," and another, called "The Practice of Piety." These books young Bunyan read, and they were the means of creating within him a desire to reform his godless life. So he attended church twice a day regularly, and read the responses from the Prayer-book and sang, as he saw the rest of the congregation doing. So thoroughly did he fall under the blinding influences of superstition at this time that, as one remarks, "Had he seen a priest, though never so sordid and debauched in his life, his spirit would fall under him, and he could have lain down at the feet of such and been trampled upon by them—their name, their garb, their work, did so intoxicate and bewitch him." He adored the altar, worshiped the surplice, and deified the individual who served at the former and arrayed himself in the latter. But this ritualism, as is ever the case, was powerless either to reach his heart or change his life, and he continued in his old course of sin and blasphemy.

One Lord's day, however, in the midst of his usual afternoon diversions, a voice, as if from heaven, seemed to say, Wilt thou leave thy sins and go to heaven, or have thy sins and go to hell? "His arm," one writes, "which was about to strike a ball, was arrested, and, looking up to heaven, it seemed as if the Lord Jesus was looking down upon him in remonstrance and deep displeasure, and at the same time the conviction flashed across him that he had sinned so long that repentance was now too late." He thought, "My state is surely miserable; miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow them. I can but be damned, and if I must be so, I had as good be damned for many sins as few."

So fully was he persuaded that repentance was for him impossible, that he deliberately decided to have his fill of "the pleasures of sin" while life should last, and then suffer forever the fearful consequences. "For a month or more he went on in resolute sinning, only grudging that he could not get such scope as the madness of despair solicited.

"One day as he was standing at a neighbor's window, cursing and swearing, and 'playing the madman after his wonted manner,' a woman of the town protested that he made her tremble, and that truly he was the ungodliest fellow for swearing that she ever heard in all her life, and quite enough to ruin the youth of the whole town. The woman was herself a notoriously worthless character, and so severe a reproof from so strange a quarter had a singular effect on Bunyan's mind. He was silenced in a moment. He blushed before the God of heaven; and as he there stood with hanging head, he wished with all his heart that he were a little child again, and that his father might teach him to speak without profanity; for he thought his bad habit so inveterate now, that reformation was out of the question."

From that day he ceased to swear, and his whole outward life was so reformed that his fellow-townsmen wondered greatly. He commenced to read the Bible, and became greatly interested in the historical parts of it. But this was only another attempt of Satan to deceive him—now by legalism, as at first by ritualism. He says, "I did set the commandments before me for my way to heaven; which commandments I did also strive to keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes, and thus I should have comfort; yet now and then should break one, and so afflict my conscience; but then I should repent, and say I was sorry for it, and promised God to do better next time, and there get help again; for then I thought I pleased God as well as any man in England. Thus I continued about a year; all which time our neighbors did take me to be a very godly man, a new and religious man, and did marvel much to see such great and famous alteration in my life and manners; and, indeed, so it was, though I knew not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope."

But one day, after he had removed to Bedford, as he was passing down the street, he noticed a few poor women in conversation in a doorway. He drew near, and listened a while to their talk. They were speaking of the new birth, and the work of God's Spirit in their souls, and their personal experiences of the saving power of God's grace through Christ. He stood amazed, and realized that they possessed something of which he was entirely ignorant.

He then began to perceive that salvation is not from anything that comes from man, or that man can do, but that it is from God, and that to possess it he must have to do with God Himself—that it was something new he must possess in his soul which none but God can give, a forgiveness of sins which none but God can administer. These poor women were basking in the sunshine whilst he, with all his doings, was shivering in the cold.

But long, weary years of doubt and despondency yet passed before Bunyan learned to look away from self to find in Christ and His finished work the way to God and peace. The pride of heart which hinders men from seeing their truly lost condition was very strong in him, and it took long to break it up. Luther's "Commentary on Galatians" fell into his hands one day, and brought him a flood of light. "His happiness," one writes, "was now as intense as his misery had been. He wished he were fourscore years old, that he might die quickly, that he might go to be with Him who had made His soul an offering for his sins."

After this he was again assailed by temptations of Satan, and another season of agony was passed; but finally he was relieved by the text, "The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin." He says, "I saw, moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor my bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness was Jesus Christ Himself, 'the same yesterday, and to-day, and forever."'

This, reader, is the story of the conversion of the author of the immortal "Pilgrim's Progress." Learn from it, as he at last learned, that salvation is by "JESUS ONLY."
John Bunyan by C. Knapp

Searching for former Glory…

2010-08-15T01:08:00.000-07:00

Why do we so often long to return to the past?

Ezra 3:11-13 And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers' houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people's weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away.

Little Brain Thots:

Many of us have cherished moments from our past forever engrained into our memories. (I remember one particular family vacation as a child at Earock Lake... the warmth of the sun on my back and my toes digging into the cool sand... ahhh, not a care in the world...)

Isn't it funny... at any moment, a song on the radio or the whiff of freshly baked bread can unlock the time-machine of our memories and transport us to a time or place where we felt safe, content, or happy. Yet, I find that even these memories, as wonderful as they are, will hold me prisoner if I allow myself to longingly look back, and then to grumble under my present lot. This loss of focus WILL rob me of my joy today if I fail to see wonderful memories for what they are... temporal examples; signposts of the eternal happiness, peace, and joy which awaits all of us who continuously set our eyes upward...

2 Corinthians 5:5-8. (The Message) The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less. That's why we live with such good cheer... It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.

Big Brain Thots:

"He did not die to make this life easy for us or prosperous. He died to remove every obstacle to our everlasting joy in making much of Him. And He calls us to follow Him in his sufferings, because this life of joyful sufferings for Jesus sake shows that He is more valuable than all the earthly rewards that the world lives for." John Piper

"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." CS Lewis

Trial or Tragedy

2010-08-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

When trial or tragedy strikes... when the storms of adversity beat on us, it will be the foundations of our life that will sustain and enable us to endure. As with Job, so faith and righteousness will decide the outcome of life's testings.

(Henry Gariepy; Portraits of Perseverance)

2010-08-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
'Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life:
'Tis the set of a soul
That decides the goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

1948 ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Why Do Kids Turn Out the Way They Do?

2010-08-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Why Do Kids Turn Out the Way They Do?

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb is a reward.
—PSALM 127:3

What was your heart’s response when you read the verse above? Would you agree that children really are a gift from the Lord, a reward? Or to ask the question more pointedly, Would you say that your children are a gift or a reward from the Lord for you personally…or do you feel as if this is just a nice sentiment meant for someone else?
You might be thinking, Yes, some of my kids are a gift, but not that child! Or is your response a more emphatic, tear-drenched, “No!”? Maybe your sorrows have made you more cynical and you’re beginning to wonder just what God means when He uses the words “gift” and “reward.” Or perhaps you can remember a time when you did believe that your children were a gift, during those days when they were little and first smiled up at you with their sweet toothless grins. But now, darker images of angry, spiteful, and bitter words have obscured those beloved memories.
If you’re nodding your head and thinking, Yes, I’ll admit it. I’m beginning to question God’s promises and just what He’s doing, then let us encourage you: You’re not alone. The writers of this book have each experienced the heartache you’re living through— you’re not alone. And even though the Bible tells us that children are a blessing, many other Christian parents are grieving over their kids today, just like you may be grieving over yours.
It just doesn’t seem to make sense, does it? Children from “good homes” rebel against their upbringing. Teens raised in the church become involved with drugs, crime, sexual immorality, and gangs. Family relationships are in shambles as children tear apart the foundations their parents have lovingly sacrificed to build. Husbands and wives turn to each other and say, “I thought such things only happened to other people. This can’t be happening to us! Where did we go wrong? What are we missing? Why is this happening?”

Our Shared Grief
Paul told the Corinthians that the temptations and trials they were experiencing were “common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13):

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (emphasis added).

In part, what this verse means is that everyone faces deep heartache and sorrow at some time in their lives, and although others may not be suffering in the exact same way we are, we all share similar griefs and troubles. Yes, we all suffer temptations and trials. And many parents—even those mentioned in the Bible—have experienced misery and sadness at the hands of their children, including the first parents, Adam and Eve.
The First Children
We’re sure that Adam and Eve had high hopes for their two sons. They sought to raise their children to serve the Lord. While one son honored both God and his parents, the other was stubborn, self-willed, and hot-tempered. Ultimately this rebellious son murdered his younger brother and had to spend the rest of his life separated from his parents who loved him. Is it hard for you to imagine the anguish that Adam and Eve experienced? Probably not. The sad reality of life after Eden is that this story has been repeated in countless homes, including our own. Often, as in the first family, one child is obedient and godly, while another turns away from the faith and, by his actions, inflicts upon his parents shame, grief, and pain.
Many despairing mothers and fathers wonder why some children rebel as they do. Why is it that some families seem to have “perfect” kids, while others struggle? Does the answer lie solely in our way of parenting, or are there other factors at work?
Does Good Parenting Guarantee Good Kids?
There are some families who just exude sweetness and light, aren’t there? These families walk into church with smiling faces, neatly dressed, and on time. The children are polite, respectful, and articulate with adults. Those of us who struggle with our children can be tempted to feel guilty, condemned, and incompetent in the presence of such success. When we see families like these, we wonder what they’re doing right and we’re doing wrong. We wonder what books they’ve read or what seminars they’ve attended. In fact, if you ask these parents the secret of their success, they’ll usually tell you that if you would just follow the right formula (the one they follow), your kids would be just like theirs.
Are there “right” parenting formulas that guarantee you’ll have godly children? For instance, some parents prefer a particular method of discipline. Others insist that a certain type of education is the key, while still others promote a particular curriculum that is guaranteed to instill godly character into children. These parents all believe that by carefully following a prescribed system, they will be assured of success. But are there really any failsafe methods of child-rearing? Does the Bible prescribe specific methods of parenting that promise success every time? The biblical answer to this question is No, there are no foolproof methods of parenting. That’s because there are other factors at work in our children’s lives, and because none of us ever perfectly parents our children.
Now, you may be wondering about certain Scripture passages that seem to say something different. We’re aware of and we believe these passages too, many of them in Proverbs, so let’s take a few moments now to consider them and the book of Proverbs in general.
Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go
Proverbs 22:6 is a very familiar text, and probably one you’ve already thought of. It reads, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This text does seem to prove the case of those who claim, “If you follow the right formula, you’ll be a successful parent,” doesn’t it? It also seems to imply that those of us who have wayward children are solely to blame for their failure. Some people also take this verse to mean that even though our children might be straying right now, when they’re older, they’ll come back to God. But wayward children don’t always come back—Cain didn’t, did he? What, then, does this proverb mean? How should we understand it?
In order to understand the meaning of Proverbs 22:6, we need to grasp the nature of the proverbs overall. The book of Proverbs is not a collection of promises that will be fulfilled as long as the condition for the promise is met. Instead, the proverbs are maxims that wisely describe, in a general sense, the way that God has made the world to operate. For example, Proverbs 10:4 states, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” While it is true that those who are lazy generally come to poverty, we also see sluggards who win the lottery or inherit vast wealth. On the other hand, there are hardworking rice farmers in India who struggle to feed their families and would never even dream of having enough money to own a car. These exceptions do not invalidate the truth of this proverb; the maxim that hard work is profitable and laziness brings economic hardship is still wise and true and, generally speaking, proves applicable in most but not all cases.
In the same way, Proverbs 22:6 is a wise maxim. It is true that God often blesses godly parenting. Generally speaking, children from Christian families that honor the Scriptures usually turn out much better than children raised in unbelieving homes that reject His Word. There are, however, exceptions. Just as it’s possible for a hardworking man to remain poor, it’s also possible for kids who’ve had faithful parents to turn from the truth.
What we need to realize is that there are no promises that God will always and in every case save our children, no matter how diligent we are in directing them to the Lord we love. Take a moment now to breathe in the freedom and peace this truth brings you. Perhaps you have trained up your children in the way that they should go, and yet they’re departing from it. Don’t automatically assume that their rebellion is your fault. Consider instead the fact that the Bible teaches there are three factors, not just one, that determine how a child turns out:

Parents are responsible to humbly honor the Lord and faithfully obey His Word in training their children.
Children are responsible to humbly honor their parents and the Lord by responding in faithful obedience.
The Lord is ruling sovereignly over the lives of both parents and children, directing them according to His good purposes.

Parents Are Responsible to Humbly Honor and Obey
Although it is true that God doesn’t absolutely guarantee success in response to our faithful parenting, the Bible does make it very clear that parents are responsible to train their children according to God’s principles. We are to diligently discipline our kids in the hope that God will work through our discipline and nurture to draw our children to Himself, as these Proverbs teach:

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart (Proverbs 29:17).
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol (Proverbs 23:13-14).

We parents have an awesome responsibility, don’t we? In fact, these verses make it clear that our parenting is so important it’s a matter of life and death. The Lord encourages us to train our children because we might be the very means He will use to rescue our children from destruction and protect them from the foolishness that resides in their hearts.
How important is this responsibility? One example of a father’s failure to lovingly discipline his children is given to us in the Old Testament. This father not only lost his ministry because of his neglect, but also his life.
Although Eli was blessed by God to be a priest and to offer sacrifices and prayers to Him, he’s the classic biblical example of parental failure. He was overly permissive with his wicked sons, who were abusing their priestly prerogatives by eating forbidden portions of the temple sacrifices and committing acts of immorality with women who came to the temple to worship (1 Samuel 2:12-17). Although Eli asked his sons to change, he failed to take firm action to stop them. Instead of acting decisively, he just pleaded with and begged them to change. Because of his failure to restrain his children, God pronounced a serious judgment against his whole family: “I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them” (1 Samuel 3:13, emphasis added).
It’s easy to see why Eli responded as he did, isn’t it? As parents, we often find it difficult to be as strong as we should be. Instead, we nag and hope that our son will eventually change or we leave our daughter alone and dream that she’ll return to being the sweet girl she once was. Have you been guilty of failing to train your children as you should? Later in this book, we’ll look at specific steps for you to take to re-institute godly parenting practices. But in the meantime, why not pause to speak with the Lord about your concerns and your willingness to recommit yourself to honoring Him, no matter what the cost?
Children Are Responsible for Their Decisions
Although parents are accountable to honor the Lord by faithfully training their children, children are also responsible for their own decisions. Godly parenting does not guarantee great kids because children make choices that are outside of our ability to control. Children are not merely robots or computers, but are human beings, created in the image of God with a heart and a soul. They can choose to follow or reject our ways because God created them with the ability to do so.
When our children were very young, we might have enjoyed the illusion of control. We were so much bigger, stronger, and smarter than they were that perhaps we foolishly thought that we could, with enough effort, compel them to follow our ways. But as they got older, they began to think for themselves and question whether or not they would embrace our choices. Then they gained more freedom and their sphere of relationships grew while our influence over them diminished. Although we were able to exercise some authority over their behavior when they were young, the truth is that their hearts have always been outside of our control.
The Child’s Choice in Proverbs
The entire book of Proverbs is an appeal to a child to choose wisdom over folly. Even though the parent is telling him exactly what he needs to know (and doing so perfectly!), the child still must choose to respond in humble obedience. Having a wise father does not guarantee a wise son or daughter because a child can choose to reject the ways of wisdom and live foolishly. In Proverbs, wisdom and folly are portrayed as women who are trying to entice a young man to eat at their respective banquets (see Proverbs 9). The young person must choose where he will dine. His parent can counsel him but can’t force him to dine at Wisdom’s Table. And although he is young, his choices are very important. In fact, his reputation is based on his decisions, as Proverbs 20:11 teaches: “Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.”
At whose table do your children usually dine? If you’ve been faithful to tell them about the delight of feasting with Wisdom, then their choice to eat the harmful fast food Folly offers is just that— their choice. Where they choose to dine has more to do with what they are hungry for than with how you’ve described what’s on the menu. It’s all about their choice.
Cain’s Sad Choice
Have you ever wondered about the difference between Cain and Abel? They both had the same parents and the same upbringing. Cain’s parents didn’t have to contend with worldly influences, but he still rebelled, even though God Himself had graciously warned him to turn from his sin and choose the right way. Cain alone was responsible for his choice to reject God’s counsel and kill his brother, and Cain bore the consequences of his sin (Genesis 4:11-12).
Israel’s Rebellious Choice
Even the Lord Himself knows what it is like to be rejected by His children. Throughout the Old Testament, Israel is portrayed as God’s son (Exodus 4:22; Jeremiah 31:9). The Lord was a perfect Father to His people. He delivered them from their enemies, planted them in a land flowing with milk and honey, and richly blessed them with His law so that they might prosper and enjoy His fellowship. But in spite of all this, Israel, God’s son, rebelled and turned to other gods. When He lovingly disciplined them they didn’t respond, but instead, hardened their hearts. Although no parents are as good and loving as our heavenly Father, we can probably relate to these heartbreaking words from the prophets:

Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me (Isaiah 1:2).
You have struck them down, but they felt no anguish. You have consumed them, but they refused to take correction. They have made their faces harder than rock; they have refused to repent (Jeremiah 5:3b-4).

Israel’s rebellion was not caused by God’s failure as a Father. It resulted from their wicked and foolish choices—and unhappily, they suffered the consequences of God’s righteous judgment. Ponder now the truth that the Lord Himself understands the sorrow of having a rebellious son and remember… you’re not alone.
Righteous Fathers and Wicked Children
In the book of Ezekiel, God makes it clear that children are responsible for their own choices. In a passage about righteous fathers who have wicked sons, God speaks of personal responsibility and accountability:

“If a man is righteous and does what is just and right— if he…walks in my statutes, and keeps my rules by acting faithfully—he is righteous; he shall surely live,” declares the Lord GOD. “If he fathers a son who is violent, a shedder of blood, who does any of these things (though he himself did none of these things).…he [the son] shall not live.…his blood shall be upon himself ” (Ezekiel 18:5-6,9-11,13).

So, living as a godly parent does not ensure that your children will be godly. Children may, and sometimes do, choose to reject their parents’ holy ways. And this passage clearly states that the Lord doesn’t blame godly parents for the choices of their children, but rather, holds the children accountable.
The Spiritual Warfare in Our Homes
The battle for our families is actually spiritual in nature (Ephesians 6:12). The fundamental discord in our children’s rebellion is not between them and us, but between our children and the Lord. When a child decides that he loves the world, he isn’t just rejecting us; he’s rejecting the things of God (1 John 2:15-17; James 4:4). As parents, we shouldn’t be shocked (though we frequently are) that a child who loves the world may exhibit hatred toward us. Yet the Bible teaches, “Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you” (1 John 3:13). And in Luke 12:51-53, Jesus said, “Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, Father against son and son against Father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother….” Although a child’s hatred is very painful, we are helped by remembering that this same hatred was experienced by our own dear Savior.
Rather than expecting that all children of all Christians will be saved, we should anticipate continued spiritual warfare and division until Christ returns, as John MacArthur writes:

...equipping a child with spiritual truth is no guarantee he or she will follow Christ. I know many diligent parents and grandparents whose hearts have been broken by a family member’s rejection of Christ. We can only plant the seeds by teaching and living out the truth. How they respond is out of our hands.

As you’ve read this chapter on children and their choices, we trust that your heart has been enlightened and your burden has been eased. Much of the sorrow we experience as parents of wayward children comes from the self-doubt and guilt we are prone to feel over our failures. What did we do wrong? Did I love her too much or not enough? What did we say or fail to say that would have turned her heart? We know all these questions because we’ve asked them ourselves. While we don’t want to blithely excuse any possible failure on our part, we do want to help you recognize the difference between your responsibility and your children’s.
The Lord Is Ruling Sovereignly
So far, we’ve looked at two of the three factors related to how our children turn out. Now it’s time to look at the third: The Lord is ruling sovereignly over the lives of both parents and children, directing them according to His purposes.
From the standpoint of human responsibility, both parents and children make choices for which we are held accountable. Ultimately, however, we must rely on God to do, in our lives and in the lives of our children, what we are unable to do for ourselves. Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” You know, the Lord has to pour out just as much grace to save a child from a believing family as He does to save one from a more worldly environment! We parents need to embrace this humbling (yet liberating) truth: We are not in control of our children’s destiny. We are powerless to create faith in our children’s hearts. While we can encourage our children to hunger for Wisdom’s Feast, we cannot make that choice for them. Only the sovereign Lord can change our children’s hearts, and that’s because, as dear as they are to us, our children are sinners by nature.
Biblically Speaking, There Are No Good Kids
When you picked up this book and read the title, perhaps you did so because your heart resonated with the thought— That’s me! I’ve got a good kid (or at least she was raised to be a good kid!) who recently has made some pretty bad choices.
We may assume that our children are good because they aren’t in serious trouble and they are reasonably compliant, but such an assessment is based on outward behavior and not the inner heart. We have to be very careful about saying,“My child may have made mistakes, but he really is a good boy.” As much as we might want to believe that, we need to realize that ultimately, the question of “goodness” doesn’t have to do with what we perceive or think, but whether our child truly has received Christ as his Savior. The Bible teaches that children are not good by nature; they are not a “blank slate” upon which we can write our values; they are not inherently innocent, nor are they genetically predisposed to be good. In fact, the Bible teaches that they are genetically predisposed to be bad because every child is born with original sin and a rebellious nature. This is the picture the Bible paints of our kids (and of us!):

…the intention of a man’s heart is evil from his youth (Genesis 8:21).
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me (Psalm 51:5).
…as it is written: None is righteous, no not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one (Romans 3:10-12).

These verses might seem hard for us to reconcile with our experience when we gaze upon our little darlings and see their halting attempts to obey us. Unbelieving children may be sweet and compliant on the surface because they’ve learned that compliance is in their best interest and they don’t want to face the consequences of disobedience. This outward self-righteousness falls far short of true heart goodness (or righteousness) as defined in Scripture. True goodness is rooted in love for God and is motivated by a faithful desire to please and glorify Him (Colossians 3:17 and 1 Corinthians 10:31). Fear of consequences will not keep children from making sinful choices when they think that the consequences can be avoided, and as they grow older, their true nature will come out. Until God renews the heart, every child is dead in sin and unable to please Him.

…and you were dead in…trespasses and sins…(Ephesians 2:1).
The mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God (Romans 8:7-8).

You know, even if our children had perfect parents, the natural bent of their nature is to rebel. Remember the rebellion of Cain, the nation of Israel, and the prodigal son? Our children need God’s sovereign grace for their nature to be changed. They’ll never become “good” unless He changes them and then, of course, their goodness is not innate but rather imputed, because they’ve received the perfect righteousness of Jesus Christ and are being transformed by the Holy Spirit.
There Is Only One Perfect Parent
Often, when our kids rebel, we’re tempted to become angry with God. We are tempted to seek to remind Him of our efforts, our sacrifices, our godly focus. We don’t think that it’s fair that our children are turning away from the Lord, especially when we compare our efforts to those of others who don’t seem to be having any problems and who never really stood for the Lord the way we did. We think we deserve better. The fact is, however, that none of us “deserve” godly kids, because none of us have the power to change their hearts. None of us have been perfectly consistent in loving and disciplining them. And, like us, they are saved by God’s grace alone. Only God can change your children, for salvation—and the transformation that results—is of the Lord.
Our Dysfunctional Homes
No one’s home is what it should be because no one’s home is free from sin. All of our homes are “dysfunctional” to a certain extent, because all of us fail to function in the ways that God has commanded, including our children. The good news is that God can overcome each of these problems through His Son. God’s sovereignty is our only source of hope—not our children, our parenting skills, our spouse, or even this book.
The writers of this book are so thankful that we all serve a God who is able to turn the heart of a rebel back to Himself. He is able to forgive us for our failures as parents and to show mercy to our children. He is able to overcome our past transgressions and present difficulties. As you continue to study through this book, we trust that you’ll gain hope and encouragement from His Word. And remember, you’re not alone. He understands your heartbreak, and He’ll help you every step of the way.
At the conclusion of every chapter, we’re going to include some questions that you can use for personal study and practical application. If you choose to go through this book with a group, these questions will help spur you on to meaningful thought and further discussion. Please take time to complete them, and we trust that the Lord will use them to encourage and strengthen you.

Growing in Hope, Discovering His Help

Read 1 Corinthians 10:13. What are the promises found in this passage?
Before you read this chapter, what was your understanding of Proverbs 22:6? What is your understanding now?
What three factors influence a child’s life-choices? Have you ever thought about them in this way before? Which one(s) are most meaningful to you?
Read Proverbs 9. How do wisdom and folly describe what they have to offer? In your own words, describe the difference and ask the Lord to give you an opportunity to share this truth with your children.
Have you thought that your kids were “good”? What does the Bible say about our true nature before salvation? What does the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) teach you about parents and children?
So that you can more easily remember what you’ve learned, summarize it here in three or four sentences while it’s fresh in your mind.

Excerpted from When Good Kids Make Bad Choices by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser. Copyright © 2005 by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Agony into Glory!

2010-07-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

"They say of some temporal suffering, no future bliss can make up for it, not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory." C.S. Lewis

‎"When I was on my feet... pleasures provided only fleeting satisfaction. In a wheelchair... I delight in the rustle of the leaves or... enjoy the soothing strains of a symphony. These... pleasures are rich because, unlike the fun on my feet, these things yield patience, endurance, and a spirit of gratitude, all of whic...h fits me further for eternity." Joni Eareckson Tada

"No matter how deep our darkness -- -- He is deeper still." Corrie Ten-Boom

Hebrews 4:14-16
Jesus the Great High Priest

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Jesus the Great High Priest

2010-07-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 4:14-16

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

"The real issue is not why is there evil....The real issue is how could a Holy God crush His own Son, who was without sin, to forgive the evil in my heart? That is the mystery and the truth of the Gospel"

Pastor Bob O'Bannon

Basic Survival

2010-07-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Life's all about basic survival now... the playing rules...

1) take oral meds every 1.5 to 2 hours round the clock,

2) 'crash' as much as 10 times per 24 hours ('crash' means going from feeling OK to almost total paralysis in 10 seconds without warning), and

3), constantly disappoint yourself for only getting minimal tasks completed. All this just so Dorrie can learn to be patient! (Well I shouldn't complain... After all, I did say "for better or for worse!")

Treasures

2010-07-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

One by one He took them from me,
All the things I valued most,
...Until I was empty-handed;
Every glittering toy was lost.

And I walked earth's highways, grieving.
In my rags and poverty.
Till I heard His voice inviting,
"Lift your empty hands to Me!"

So I held my hands toward heaven,
And He filled them with a store
Of His own transcendent riches,
Till they could contain no more.

And at last I comprehended
With my stupid mind and dull,
That God COULD not pour His riches
Into hands already full!

--Martha Snell Nicholson

Miracles

2010-06-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Withdrawal

2010-06-16T22:24:00.000-07:00

"Health e-Tips - Going off Parkinson's drugs is like quitting cocaine"... Headlines I chuckled about a few month ago... Not laughing anymore... Please pray...

Dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome in Parkinson’s disease - NeLM [2.1.6]

www.nelm.nhs.uk

According to a report published in the Archives of Neurology, dopamine agonists used to treat Parkinson disease can produce a withdrawal syndrome after prolonged use.

Self Pity

2010-06-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

The Secret of Joy

2010-06-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

"This is the secret of joy. We shall no longer strive for our own way; but commit ourselves, easily and simply, to God's way, acquiesce in His will, and in so doing find our peace."
Evelyn Underhill.

"No matter how deep our darkness -- He is deeper still."
Corrie Ten-Boom

Pride

2010-06-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

Am I too proud to use a wheelchair?

May my motto today be "God is enough"!

Have you said hi to an Uncle Billy today?

2010-06-07T16:17:00.001-07:00

Have you said hi to an Uncle Billy today?

Auditioning

2010-06-07T16:08:00.001-07:00

Lord help my unbelief

2010-06-05T03:55:00.000-07:00

My identity is in Christ, so why am I often so

embarassed when my PD symptoms flair in public? Lord, help my unbelief!

Smothering Anyone?

2010-05-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

Been having severe "off" periods where I feel immediately paralyzed and breathing is much harder... These sessions strike with little warning and can last for hours... Tonight was the worst. Where lower doses of medications (every 6 hours) in the early days of the disease completely controlled symptoms, now often symptoms are not relieved even with twice the dosage ever 3 hours... I actually was afraid.... It feels like I'm smothering and can't move...

Psalms 119:147-155 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words. My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise. Hear my voice according to your steadfast love; O, according to your justice give me life. They draw near who persecute me with evil purpose; they are far from your law. But you are near, O, and all your commandments are true. Long have I known from your testimonies that you have founded them forever. Look on my affliction and deliver me, for I do not forget your law. Plead my cause and redeem me; give me life according to your promise!

"Joy is that deep settled confidence that God is in control of every area of my life." Paul Sailhamer

I walked a mile with pleasure...

2010-05-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

"I walked a mile with pleasure, she chatted all the way. It left me none the wiser, for all she had to say. I walked a mile with sorrow and ne're a word said she, but oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me."

Unknown

Rabbi Abraham Heschel

2010-05-23T13:29:00.001-07:00

"Faith like Job's cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken."
Rabbi Abraham Heschel

Adoption

2010-05-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

I'm overcome with emotion, and deep wonder at this: the God of all creation allowed his only Son to be tortured and put to death for my sin... and, as if that was not enough, he then adopted me as his son! Mind-blowing!

My Utmost for His Highest

2010-05-14T13:32:00.002-07:00

"When we are consciously aware of being used as broken bread and poured out wine, we have yet another level to reach - a level where all awareness of ourselves and what God is doing through us is completely eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint - a saint is consciously dependent on God."
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Sing of My Redeemer

2010-05-14T13:32:00.001-07:00

Sing, oh, sing of my Redeemer,
With His blood He purchased me,
On the cross He sealed my pardon,
Paid the debt, and made me free.

I will tell the wondrous story,
How my lost estate to save,
In His boundless love and mercy,
He the ransom freely gave.

I will praise my dear Redeemer,
His triumphant pow'r I'll tell,
How the victory He giveth
Over sin, and death, and hell.

I will sing of my Redeemer,
And His heav'nly love to me;
He from death to life hath brought me,
Son of God with Him to be.

Frosted Mini Wheats

2010-05-13T04:39:00.000-07:00

2am... Feeling sorry for myself... I'm not very good at anything anymore... I've got Parkinson's Disease, I ache, I'm self conscious in public, when is my "cure" surgery going to happen... I'm not a good father anymore... It's all about me, yada yada yada... All this complaining, after two bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats, a warm cozy living room... ... Then I start reading of how the saints have suffered (and are suffering this very moment around the world)... Father forgive me... I suffer very little...

Hebrews 4:14-16
Therefore, since we have a great high priest...Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith...For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but... who has been tempted in every way... yet was without sin.Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 11:1-6
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for... And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Ok, that was hard... I think I deserve a third bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats...

"Paul reckoned his great trial to be a gift. It is well put. He does not say, "there was inflictedon me a thorn in the flesh", but "there was given to me". This is holy reckoning. Child of God, among all the goods of your house, you have not one single article that is a better token of divine love to you than your daily cross." Charles Spurgeon (2 Cor 12:7)

Fighting with myself

2010-05-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

Little Brain and PD

2010-05-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

We both heard the diagnosis at the same time. Dorrie and I were seeing yet another Doctor in our quest for what we'd hoped was a simple answer to some annoying symptoms. This time it was a Neurologist. "I think you have Parkinson's Disease."

My reaction... "Cool, this sounds like a fun challenge..." (to myself, of course)

Dorrie's reaction? She became immediately ill... struggling to stay conscious as waves of nausea poured over her. "Maybe," I thought, "I won't tell her about the 'fun challenge' part right now..."

A STEP BACK IN TIME

I was a very good athlete. Basketball was the game, and I was strong, agile, and competitive to the core. In High School, I lead the entire league in scoring. And with this accomplishment in hand, I was able to negotiate two athletic scholarships, almost completely covering my college tuition. And, to top it all off, I was voted "Campus Clown" in my second year... people liked me...

To be continued... (for now, off to bed!)

____________________

It is difficult for me to write about my struggle with Parkinson's Disease. It currently is a terminal neurological disease with no known cure. It has robbed me of much of my day to day strength... and I can see that I'm losing ground fast. However, in many ways "Parks" (as nicknamed by Dorrie) has turned out to be a great friend and teacher. Sitting in his class and listening to his lectures year after year has matured me as I've come to better know myself through suffering.

Tribute to Mom

2010-05-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

This is the first Mother's Day in 52 years where Dorrie and I have only memories to honor this Sunday. My dear mother went on to be with the Lord a few years ago, while Dorrie's mom, Pat Dodds, took the one-way trip just 7 short months ago... not a day goes by for Dorrie where she does not desperately miss her mom. ...Dorrie, you are an amazing wife, mother, and daughter... But then again, you had such a great mentor!